Imonkanation

Project THX 2011 Update

2011-01-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

My friend, Paul, read about Project THX 2011 and has decided to start it in his area!! He's going to be hiding Thank-you notes about for people to find in his neck of the woods!! HURRAY!! He is the dearest dear of a person and I'm so excited that he's joining in the fun!! I hope more people decide to jump on board,too!! The more the merrier!!

I haven't heard from anyone who has found my Thank-you notes yet. I hope I will eventually. I'd just love to hear people's stories and to connect. But, if people are shy, that's OK, too!! For now, it's MORE enough that someone else is helping to spread the joy and gratitude!!

THANK-YOU PAUL!! YOU'RE THE BEST

Project THX 2011

2011-01-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've been incubating this for quite some time now and I'd hoped to launch this on the 1st of the year but a few other things had to come first. So, this is it - the beginning of Project THX 2011.

Times are tough. Things are tight. I think many of us are feeling this way these days. One of the hardest things about feeling the pinch is that you start to believe you no longer have anything to offer. It's not true, of course, we are all blessed with gifts to share that cannot be measured monetarily. It's hard,however, to remember that sometimes. I know, for me, that I am sometimes overwhelmed by people's generosity. I feel I have nothing to give in return. And then I remember - I can give my thanks. No matter how tight the budget, I can always freely and joyfully give my thanks. Then, I start to think of ways I can creatively and uniquely give my thanks and suddenly I am rich with thanks, overflowing with thanks, I have hit the lottery and I am a millionaire of thanks! Awash in this abundance, I begin remember the many other gifts with which I have been blessed and can share.

In an effort to help others tap into this source of abundance, I've started making and leaving thank-you notes about for people to use. I include an envelope and a stamp (because that is the thing that always hangs me up - that trip to the Post Office to get the stamp. I can't tell you how many days in a row I've driven right past it forgetting to get the stamps). I delivered my first batch Tuesday evening and I'm hoping folks will find them, take them and use them. Guerrilla thank-you notes :)

Is there someone you’d like to say “Thank-you” to?
Someone who went the extra mile?
Someone who sent an extra special gift?
A friend who listened?
A co-worker who covered for you?
A neighbor?
A stranger who smiled?

I'd love to hear YOUR thank-you story.

Movies

2010-12-31T02:55:00.000-05:00

Last year I challenged myself to take a photo a day to try to become more familiar with my camera and to become more comfortable with pulling out my camera in front of others. It was a useful tool from that perspective but now as I've been re-visiting the images it's taught me more than I expected. I only have 134 images and there are many important events for which I have no shots because I was too self conscious to take my camera out. Many times, I had it right there in my hands but I was still too afraid to take the shot.

This has been a challenging year. As it has come to a close, I've been thinking that I am anxious to see it go. But, as I look at the images of the past year, I see that there is indeed so much to be grateful for - even the loss - because it it's a tangible reminder of what I was once so privileged to know.

Most all of the images were shot on my Canon. The few that are from my phone camera are from events that I felt needed to be included in this project

This is a poor man's slideshow but after hours and hours of wrestling with Picasa trying to get it to do what I wanted - I'm too darn tired to build this on another program. That's a project for next year!!!

Discover possibility and what lies beneath with Anne Knoll

2010-11-03T15:12:00.020-04:00

Meet my dear friend, Anne Knoll:

Anne Knoll, photographer, writer, performer, director has combined these talents into her Fine Art and Portraiture work. She has been entertaining and educating young people for years. Her experience with children's theatre includes The Evergreen Players, a troupe she originated performing for children in schools, libraries and parks across Long Island. She has been involved in children's education for many years, having taught theatre and directed school performances in Illinois, Michigan, New York and New Jersey

Ms. Knoll originally targeted her writing toward young audiences with "The Sun Princess" and "The Sun Princess and the Royal Surprise," the first two books in a series concerning adoption. Both printed as private editions. In addition, she wrote a play for young audiences entitled "Mrs. Tinkerton's Toy Shop." The books and the play have been adapted and produced by Puttin' On the Ritz Theatre in Oaklyn, New Jersey, as part of its children's theatre programming. She is frequently invited to read her work in schools and libraries throughout southern New Jersey.
Her endeavors in the realm of poetry yielded two books entitled Weaving and Root Soaking. The latter, was a hand-made, numbered and signed Limited Edition of 145 copies that sold in bookstores and galleries in Vermont and New Jersey.

On stage, her work has included such roles as Elizabeth/The Crucible, M'lynn/Steel Magnolias, Stella Mae/Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean, Ma Allen/Dark of the Moon, Ms. Prism/The Importance of Being Earnest.

You can see some of Anne's gorgeous work HERE.

Once again, this is not a quick sound byte. This is a nice long, delicious, juicy read so grab a cup of green tea, settle in and enjoy. Anne and I reference ACN, the Artist Conference Network, several times. In the founder, Beverly Cassell's words: "The Artist Conference Network is a kind of miracle space for gifted fools. It is a safe place to take on doing things you don't know how to do. It is a structure for living your dreams. It is an environment of informed generous acknowledgment, where making up stuff precedes the production of results, and there's a bunch of folks there who know what it took and celebrate with you..."

As usual you catch Anne and I in mid conversation:

AK: I’m very concerned about the future of creativity in our world. For some kids the spark will just rise to the surface but many kids need to be exposed to it to know that they like painting or playing an instrument or whatever it might be that speaks to them.

KV: Were you creative as a kid, did the spark rise to the surface for you?

AK: Yes. For me, creativity became my salvation and it did just surface. It came out of a kind of self conscious desperation. I lived in a very dysfunctional family. My dad was an alcoholic. Later in life he he took the road of recovery and became an important part of my life and my children's lives. However, during my childhood he was still struggling and my mom was busy dealing with all of that so as a result my house was a creative wasteland.

I’ve spoken to other people and they talk about when they were little there were books in the house and their parents took them to museums and plays and they always had crayons and paper and paint. I had none of that. My mother liked to listen to Mitch Miller - that was the extent of my creative exposure at home.

I remember when I was about five, I was so alone. My sister was six years older and was off to school so I needed to occupy myself somehow. I have no idea where this came from - I made theatres. I made all different kinds of theatres as I imagined them because, of course, I had never actually been in one. My mother sewed all of my clothes so I made my theatres out of scraps of fabric I’d get from my mother and from old shoe boxes and newspapers. I made so many of them over the years. I wish I still had some of them today.

I would also “play” theatre. We had an unfinished basement in our home and I remember I found an old army blanket down there. I clipped that old blanket up and it would function as a curtain or a backdrop. So, then, I had a theatre. I was everything. I played all the parts. You know what’s astounding - when I took my bow I could truly hear the applause. Only a kid can do that.

KV: Did you find a creative outlet in school?

AK: In elementary school I went to a four room school. We didn’t do plays, we didn’t have music class. There was nothing theatrical. So, to think, I started out in my basement and then went all those years with nothing. I pleaded with my mother to let me attend the public high school but she said, “no.” So, I went to what was then Sacred Heart High School. I went to school as a secular day student with the postulants and novices who were studying to be nuns. Once a month a nun came in, played the piano and we sang some songs - that was music. We saw her eight times a year.

Gratefully enough they did decide to do one act plays my freshman and sophomore years. All of a sudden, I was alive again. Then, my junior and senior year they actually did full length plays. What a time!!

I went off to college hoping to be a theatre major but at the end of my freshman year my mother said, “You can’t be a theatre major. You will NEVER get a job and you need to get a job.” So, I sadly changed my major to English. I tried to stay as involved in the theatre department as I could. Initially, I had decided to do a double major but it became more than I could handle. I wound up being two courses short of the double major.

Once I graduated I started teaching and ironically every teaching job I ever held I was hired for my theatre work. I taught speech and theatre and directed the plays at school. Once again I was involved in theatre. It was in a very different way than I ever expected but it was very fulfilling and I loved it. I loved watching the kids love it.

I believe there is passion and indescribable magic in every single person. There is never anyone who is ever born into this world who doesn’t have that inside them and along with that passion and magic they have a driving desire to share, even if only for a moment, what lies beneath in them. It’s this concept that has become a mantra for me. It has become the way I live my life, it has become the way I see people. I think that it allows me to relate to people differently and it’s also what allowed me to take the portraits I took as a photographer. I didn’t want to show the natural beauty of a person on film. I wanted to capture something, if I could, that went beneath.

I’ve always known, even as a child, that I had a particular gift of allowing people to “be” with me, whether I was a teacher or a director or a photographer. I’ve had people tell me that I have an aura of safety about me. When I get that from people it’s very humbling because they will give you parts of themselves that they normally don’t let people see. I look upon it all with a boundless sense of gratitude. I think almost every creative thing I’ve ever done has been without intention. That creative process led me, I didn’t lead it, and it took me where I was meant to be.

KV: That leads me to one of my questions. I was there when the poetry started coming to you. You didn’t go in pursuit of it, it just came to you. I’m wondering if all of your creative endeavors have followed this same pattern.

AK: They have. I learned from ACN that so many of us who are artists hit our greatest roadblocks when we are attempting to make art happen. Our best work will ALWAYS, not sometimes, not frequently, but ALWAYS be generated by allowing it to happen.

ACN was a gift to me. I was creatively on fire in ACN. I say this with a great deal of humility because it was almost overwhelming to me. You see, ACN was a safe space and I didn’t know what a safe space was. All my creativity up until ACN was despite my surroundings. When I hit ACN and found myself in a place of no criticism and no judgment - !! Those were the rules at ACN - no criticism, no judgment and recognizing your stories. We learned to identify our stories and our place in them so we could move beyond them. That is a gift I will never, ever be able to repay.

You see, you can live in this space where all of this “stuff” is - thinking, feeling, emotions, judgment, criticism, joy, happiness - ALL of it. You’ve got to get from there to HERE, which is where choice and possibility live. Nothing else is there, just choice and possibility, because possibility is based on NOTHING. It isn’t based on education, talent, circumstances - nothing! When you learn how to get from point A to point B, it is astounding what happens because you don’t encumber yourself as an artist with the eight million stories we tell ourselves that stop us so often. As a result of being in this space of possibility I accomplished so much creatively and the very soul of who I was as a creative person was not only alive but validated.

KV: The concept of letting go of my stories has been very helpful to me, too. Could you elaborate on it a bit more.

AK: Yes. Being able to get out of my stories has been invaluable to me. It is almost impossible for me to put into words how that has impacted my life as a creative person - and as a person in general. Throughout the day I constantly ask myself: is this a “story,” who am I being is this story, did I make that up ( yes, I did). Who or what do I need to be to get out of this story?

Since the chapter of ACN I attended closed, which has been over six years ago, I have never quite had that same grasp. So much of that is because I no longer have that utterly supportive community to meet with twice a month.

Over the past two years it has felt like I’ve been in a creative wasteland. I’ve been saying to myself, ”Just be calm & it will come. Whatever it is I’m meant to be doing will come.” So, I guess what I’m meant to be doing is baby-sit my grandchildren because that is what has entered my life. And, just recently I had an email from a friend who has asked me to be his mentor as he begins his first foray into directing. I am so thrilled, honored and excited to take this journey with him.

KV: That’s wonderful. It will be great for both of you . You can help him create a safe place such as ACN was for you. I wonder if you find that many of us aren’t just reacting to outside forces but are also reacting to the voices of judgment and criticism within?

AK: I think every artist does. We get negative feedback not just from family and schooling - it’s just out there. I think artists as a whole live with negative feedback. I mean, look at things now, and it’s not just due to the economy, although that’s the big excuse at the moment.

KV: I find this how many people validate art: “is it good, is it bad...”

AK: Ah! There it is. I think that’s what the vast majority of people do regardless of the art. They are instinctively, immediately judgmental. They can look at something and either like it or not like it and then place a value or no value on it very quickly. I don’t do that now. It’s easy to slip back into it but if I find myself in that place I get myself out of that story. When you love art, you have a willingness to learn a different way of seeing.

KV: One of the many things I’ve admired about you is that you carry all of your creative efforts to their fruition, at least that’s how it appears to the outside observer. Is this something that comes naturally to you or is it something you’ve learned to do?

AK: Again, I look upon that as a gift. The best way I can describe it is: I can’t not. It’s just a natural part of who I am. It’s akin to making my bed. I can’t NOT make it. It’s not obsessive in any way. It’s just a calm doing because that’s who I am.

KV: Although you said earlier that you feel like you are currently in a creative wasteland, you also mentioned that you’re working on Hairspray. I’ve known you for several years now and I’m willing to bet that’s not the only thing you’re working on creatively…

AK: Well, I have been working on my memoirs. I was generated to do so because Herman and I are older and our grandchildren are very small. We will never have the opportunity to know them as adults. When that realization hit me it was difficult. I so want to know them at every single stage of their lives and there are things about my life I want them to know. There is so much about art and creativity and what it can do in their lives that I want them to know. I want them to sit with the words on the page and say, “Wow, this is how much my Nonna valued art and being creative.” Although the memoirs are not exclusive to that, a huge part will be devoted to art.

KV: As an outside observer , it seems to me that you are frequently inspired by people.

AK: (laughing)Hmmm, yes, almost totally. It was always there but it wasn’t something I consciously recognized, it was not an active thought until I picked up a camera. I was a cold January day, I had an old Minolta at my house, I had a roll of film sitting in the refrigerator (God knows how old it was). I had never taken anything but vacation shots and family shots by the Christmas tree. Now, again, something prompted me. I don’t like walking outside when it’s January and it’s freezing cold but something prompted me to take a walk outside and take pictures. Later, when I had them developed and I looked at them, I was shocked. I called my friend, Gary, who is a photographer and asked him if he had time to look at the pictures. He graciously went through them and then, went through them again. He asked me why I wanted him to see them. I told him that they had surprised me, that I found some of them really beautiful. He said, “I do, too.” I told him how I’d gone for a walk and all of a sudden I was taking photographs of things I normally would have walked by and not even noticed. How do you explain that?? You don’t. You say, “Thank you Universe.” That’s how it all started for me.

Initially, I was photographing things. That is when the concept came to me, that has been with me and will be with me until I go on my next journey, the concept of the mute eloquence of objects. Leaves in ice - they speak to us. Trees, clouds, rocks, - they speak to us. Then I went to see the play The Fantasticks. When the character of The Mute came out onstage I thought I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. It was like an implosion had happened and I thought, “My God, it’s the mute eloquence of people. That’s what it is. That’s what I need to photograph.” And, that is what I’ve done from that day to this. Everything leads to the next thing.

KV: Your photography eventually led to you to a workshop with Dennis Keeley.

AK: Yes. I, of course, went there with all of my stories because, unlike ACN, he was there to critique our work. I invented all of these scenarios in my mind where he’d single me out as the one person who didn’t really belong there. So you can imagine when he looked at my portraits and said, “I wish I could take portraits like that” my breath left me for just minute. I almost felt numb. I didn’t know what to do with what I felt. The next day he asked me to meet him at lunchtime. Right away I went in to the negative stories again, they are just so inherent. So, I met with him and he said, “I’m going to say something that will be difficult to hear.” I remember I was staring at the grass and my eyes started to well. He continued, “There is an element of genius in what you do.” What I remember about that moment was the different shades of green in the grass and that if he had told me to go home that somehow would have been easier. That’s huge. That’s how we are, unless someone unconditions us along the way and allows us to continue to learn how to uncondition ourselves to that kind of response.

It’s amazing how difficult it can be for an artist to hear good things about their work because we are so conditioned otherwise. I think somewhere in my worldly psyche I want to take that conditioning away from every creative person I know in whatever way I can. Nobody could offer you anything better than that - the freedom to be comfortable with what you create.

Detachment

2010-10-26T13:17:00.006-04:00

I continually try to find ways to re-enforce the idea of detachment. I do the work, I am not responsible or attached to the response to the work. It's not easy. I'm like most humans, I want people to like and accept me and, by extension, my work.

In honor of breast cancer awareness month I took several of my Think Pink and Love and Strength cards and left them out in the world for people to find and hopefully use. I wrapped them in pink ribbons with a note that invited the finder to use them to help continue the chain of awareness or to send a reminder to a friend to get her mammogram. It was fun leaving the little presents. Part of me wanted to stay behind and watch to see what might happen to them but I forced myself to walk away - detach. Walking away was easy, truly detaching was not. I kept wondering what happened to them. Did they blow away, get thrown in the trash, did ANYONE actually find or use one? I felt badly for my little cards whose destiny might have been a waste can. When I imagined it, it felt like someone was throwing part of me away. But, I know the whole of me is much larger than my work. I offer my talents with joy and their acceptance or rejection in no way elevates or diminishes my core. I remain intact as does my intention.

I imagine someone at the train station drawn to the alien item with a bright pink bow, looking around to see if it belongs to anyone else, hesitantly picking it up, reading it and then leaving it behind. To some it may look like failure. But, to me, I see someone stepping out of their routine and responding to their world in the moment. I don't think there's an app for that. I think you need a fool like me willing to do do their thing, walk away and let the receiver truly receive in their own way.

Love and Strength

2010-10-10T00:36:00.006-04:00

For Kathy, Judy, Sherry and Val:

In honor of the women I know who have battled breast cancer and won. Women who are rooted to the truth of who they are, women of strength, women whose hearts shine like beacons of hope for us all. With love and strength we stand in the fight against breast cancer.

Original image printed and mounted to 41/4 x 51/2" hot pink card stock. Comes with envelope and is blank inside for your own personal message.

50% of all proceeds will go to Breast Cancer Awareness and Research.

Price: $5.00 (including shipping and handling)

Think Pink

2010-10-06T12:57:00.012-04:00

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month I have created this "Think Pink" card. This is a great card to celebrate women, remind a friend to get her mammogram or to help spread awareness.

Image is printed on glossy photo paper and mounted to 4 x 5 1/2" animal print cardstock. Comes with a white envelope and is blank inside for your own personal message.

50% of all proceeds will go to Breast Cancer Awareness and Research.

PRICE: $6.00 (includes shipping and handling)

*image via Vintage Resources

Zoeyworks

2010-09-24T13:26:00.001-04:00

Zoeyworks is out and about in the neighborhood. If you'd made a Zoeyworks find and would like to make a comment - here's the place to do it.

2010-09-21T23:12:00.000-04:00

The Empowering Effects of Sucking

2010-08-30T13:35:00.005-04:00

I recently had an experience that truly clarified for me that I am merely the vessel for creativity and have very little to do with the generation of the ideas that come to me. I have understood this at an intellectual level but at my core I think I still had a great deal of ego invested in "my" creativity.

A few weeks ago I had a friend who was going through a difficult patch in her life. Actually, I had several friends who were dealing with very real tragedy in their lives. I felt helpless. There was very little I could do other than listen and be a physical presence in their lives. One friend, however, was taking positive steps toward eliminating some of the chaos in her life. She was struggling with the uncomfortable feeling of standing up for herself. I wanted to yell, "YES!! You're on the right path - DO IT!" But, it was her journey and mine was to quietly walk beside her and listen to her as she sorted out her feelings. Still, her taking a stand was quite powerful. It stirred something deep within me. It occurred to me how important it is that we share these stories because one person's courage will help to empower another's. That's as far as my thought went. I didn't say, "Hey, I should write a poem about this" because, frankly, it didn't feel like my tale to tell.

The next morning, I woke up with a song in my head. I don't write songs. But, there it was. A song. The chorus was right there - BOOM! Fully formed. I was so surprised, I didn't really question it other than to say to myself, "Well, if there's chorus, what's the verse?" The verse didn't show up immediately, first the break came. It came rushing in. So, I said, "Well, that's fine but there has to be a verse." Sure enough, a few hours later the verse showed up. By this time I'd had a few cups of coffee and was awake enough to say, "This song sucks." I mean seriously! I don't write music but if I were to sit down and write music this song is not at all what I would write. It was so off-base. Even the lyrics were not at all like my poetry. It was so UN-me. Still, it stuck in my head. Finally I said, "Well, one verse and a chorus does not a song make so go ahead, give me the second verse." There it was.

I didn't know what to do with it. I don't hear harmony so I couldn't flush it out. The song wasn't in my style so I couldn't really sing it. And, frankly, I didn't like it. Still, I honored it. I recorded it. I sang it for my friend. But, mostly it was a huge lesson in how I really can't take the credit or the blame for my creative output. All I have control over is the craft - what I do with the creative ideas that come to me. A skilled song writer probably could have turned that awful little ditty that came to me into something much better. I have no such skills. In fact, I feel so little ownership of the song that if someone said, "Hey, I want to use that idea." I would be MORE than willing to let them. I feel like it was meant for someone else anyway and the wires just got jumbled.

I can't believe what freedom I have found in saying "WOW - that SUCKS!! I did that and it sucks!" I feel like I finally understand at my very center that I am merely the vessel, the delivery person. I don't have to judge it. I just have to show up and do it.

Tap Into Your Infinite Interconnectedness with Liz Filios

2010-08-22T22:13:00.021-04:00

Meet my friend Liz Filios. Liz Filios has worked in India, South Africa, and Italy, but now calls Philadelphia home. Liz was seen recently in The Arden Theatre’s productions of Sunday in the Park With George, and Candide as Cunegonde. Critics called her performance “dazzling,” “a phenomenon” and touted the newcomer’s talents – which include “a gleaming high soprano voice, and a sense of humor.” Liz has also performed for Philadelphia audiences at The Wilma Theater (Eurydice, The Life of Galileo), The New Candlelight Theater (Lend Me a Tenor, Hello Dolly! ), and The Walnut Street Theatre (Les Miserables). She holds a B.F.A. in Musical Theatre from the University of Michigan and has performed as a vocalist with The Philadelphia Orchestra, the International Opera Theater and the Cape Town Opera Company. She is currently nominated for both a Perry Award and a Barrymore Award.

Liz and I met at La Citadelle in Philadelphia to catch up with each other and conduct the interview before she headed off to India for a friend's wedding. It had been so long since we had seen each other that I found we were discussing issues I wanted to address before I'd even had a chance to open my notebook or turn on my recorder.

ME: OK, I'm ready now. You were talking about being cracked wide open - the deconstruction that occurs before construction.

LIZ: Yes, well, sometimes you choose consciously to make sacrifices for your art and then other times you don't have any choice. You can try to make sense of it in retrospect. You can say to yourself, "Well, this wouldn't have been possible had I not lost this or given up that." That can be of some comfort but there is an arbitrariness to it all that is inherent, especially if you're in the arts, and you have to just learn how to enjoy the ride. Otherwise it can drive you nuts.

As I get older, I've been trying to look at all of this with new eyes. Yes, I might be making this many dollars but what is my quality of life? You don't just get paid in fiscal currency, you get paid in artistic currency as well.

Of course, in order to do this you do often have to break things down in order to build them back up again. Destruction is a necessary part of creation and you can take pleasure in knocking down the blocks. Learn to not get too attached to one temporary thing but appreciate its transience. That makes it easier to let go and easier to start again.

ME: I know actors often find themselves between jobs. What do you do to stay inspired when you're not technically employed.

LIZ: Oh my gosh!! I am a workaholic! I will find something to do!! I can't sit still. I would just go crazy. There are classes to take, there's a turn-out to work on, there's a high note that needs refining, there's an acting technique to explore, there's a teacher out there from whom I can learn. To me, it's getting back to the real part of my career, the honing of the craft and working on the weaknesses. Getting the job is the fun part. The real works comes when you're free to study. In Philly, I've taken classes with Antonio Fava, in commedia dell'arte, I've taken classes with the Philadelphia School of Circus Arts. I tend toward the physical classes because I think one of my main faults is that when I get into a show I get so buried in the material and the text that I become disconnected from my body. I get so much in my head that I start to censor myself. I find that taking classes that reconnect me with my body helps to generate new ideas. For instance, I took a class with Steve Pacek when I was between shows in February and March of this year. I knew Steve because I'd seen his work and he is brilliant! I love watching performers and not necessarily dissecting their work but asking myself what it is that makes them great. So, when I heard Steve was teaching a class, I said, "I'm there." It turned out his class was full but I wrote to him anyway. I said, "I've seen you in this and this and these are the reasons why this class is really important to me." That got me in. We did a lot of work on Viewpoints and Laban. Steve would have us perform our songs, choose two Laban "effort shapes" and try to do the movements without focusing on anything but the movement. Suddenly, things would just pop out of me. When I think about vocal pedagogy I am stuck in academia, but when I think about "slashing" suddenly this incredible high note will soar out with out having to "pass GO and collect $200," if you know what I mean. It was really crucial work for me and I wouldn't have been able to do it if I'd been in a show.

Now, some shows kick you in the butt and force you to learn. When I was cast as the Narrator in Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat I said, "I can't do this. I can't sing this." I was more scared of it than I was of Cunegonde because it was belting. Musical Theatre can be very dogmatic, things must be done the way they were done before. If you do A Chorus Line, you'd better do the original choreography! The role of Narrator is one of those things. I'd just come back from working on the cruise ship and had all this money saved up. I blew it all on about ten different teachers trying to figure out the secret to belting. At the end of this journey I was working with one teacher having finally mastered my belting technique and I was singing away. She said, "Now can you do that in your head voice?" I said, "Why would I want to do THAT??" She said, "Just try it for me." So I did and then she said, "WHY would you ever want to do anything else?" So, after all those hundreds of dollars and voice lessons, the most valuable thing I learned was - I can just be me.

(The Narrator, by the way, is the role for which she received her Barrymore nomination)

ME: Speaking of teaching, I know you've been doing some of that yourself.

LIZ: Yes, teaching is another thing about which I’ve become very passionate. At the same time I was taking Steve Pacek’s class, I was working for Maureen Mullin at the Arden doing an outreach program called Arden for All which correlates to their children‘s programming. They train theatre artists and send them out to public schools. We teach the text and a little bit about the play and they get to see the play for free. The idea is play, have fun and learn about the play but really you’re teaching them grammar and the basic building blocks of story and writing. It was great to get those nuts and bolts in but sometimes the lessons were so oriented toward meeting the requirements it sucked the fun out of it. So, I tweaked the lessons a bit. Then a month later someone from the Montgomery Theatre called and said they had a pilot program and needed a couple of teaching artists who could come help them build it from the ground up. So, Maureen said, “Well, I have this one person who was really ballsy and changed my lessons plans, maybe she thinks she knows what she’s doing.” So, they brought me on for this project and it was huge! I partnered with four teachers from High Schools in Souderton. Two of them were English teachers, one of them was a Chemistry teacher and one of them was a Trigonometry teacher. We brought theatre into the classroom and made learning fun. I enjoyed it as much as performing because I got to use other parts of my brain.

ME: That sounds so interesting. Can you tell me a little about one of the programs you did. How about the English class?

LIZ: They were studying The Great Gatsby and we created this one idea that was based on Facebook because social networking is such an important part of the story and the kids have this framework built in ready to access. They understand what social networking is now in a way that when I was studying The Great Gatsby we never would have been able to fathom. Facebook was blocked for the school but we used a similar program that allowed us to create profiles for the characters in the book. They were then able to make “friends” and send private messages and public messages to each other. So, the students got to see the whole social interaction and the intricacies of how the characters related to each other. Even the kids who initially treated it as a joke were in character!! It was awesome!!

We also did a section on jazz. F. Scott Fitzgerald called himself a writer of the jazz age. So, I brought in a bunch of jazz recordings. I also introduced the students to several musical terms such as scat, syncopation, and chromaticism and helped them make their own links to the literary parallels.

I found it all just as inspiring as working on a character on play, maybe even more so because of the ripple effect. I also have such respect for teachers who do this year round. I enjoy being the breath of fresh air that can come into the classroom.

ME: Do you have any other creative outlets? I mean besides teaching, acting, singing, dancing and trapeze work?

LIZ: Yes, I kind of discovered it by accident. I started writing music last year while I was working on a cruise ship. The discrepancies between my living conditions as a performer and those of the other staff angered me. After weeks of seeing the injustices toward them I got so mad I had to write something. I didn’t sit down one day and think, “Now I’m going to be a composer.” It was more like working out my frustration on the piano. Some people punch pillows, I pounded on the piano keys. Then, words surfaced and suddenly there was a song. It may not be a great song but it was an outlet. I found that after I’d plugged into this I could express other things. Then I started playing my songs for people and I would see their reactions. It was such a simple yet profound experience to be able to sing about my heartbreak and then suddenly theirs would come to the surface and they would tell me how they thought the song was about their family or their loved one. I kept writing because I wanted to help other people. I didn’t want to make money or even make a recording or have my songs published . I just wanted that experience of being able to sit down in a little room at a piano with a few of your friends and say something you don’t have to courage to say outright. You can say it in a song and it’s OK and they can listen to the song and cry and it’s OK.

It’s so cheesy but I was reading Eat Pray Love on the ship and there’s this part that talks about how some of the major religions of the world explain human suffering. The way that Elizabeth Gilbert explained it was, Christians believe human suffering comes from original sin. Buddhists believe it comes from desire and if you can let go of your desire you won’t suffer - as much. Then there are the Hindus who believe (I just love this) it’s just a case of mistaken identity. We suffer because we believe we are individuals and we think we are these lonely, isolated organisms that are totally alone in the universe and that our suffering is our own private burden. Whereas, if we knew that we aren’t alone, that we are a part of this huge fabric of infinite interconnectedness then our suffering wouldn’t be so great. We would realize that everyone has the same experiences. When I play my songs for other people I can see that web, I can see my connection to every other person in that room so clearly.

ME: Do you feel any difference between using your words as opposed to singing words someone else has written?

LIZ: Yes, but I sort of cross the wires. I find it can be a really successful mad scientist experiment when I’m singing someone else’s words to try to make them my own. Whereas when I’m writing my own material instead of making it about me, me, me, sometimes it’s easier to zoom out and write about something I know nothing about. It’s like throwing out a larger net, then you reel it in and say, “Ok, this works, this works and this I obviously know nothing about.”
ME: I’m also wondering about the two mediums from a very raw, creative output standpoint. In theatre we have many other people’s input, the director tells you this, the choreographer tells you this, the vocal director tells you that whereas when you write a song it’s much more direct.

LIZ: There is a joy in my personal creative projects but there's also an aspect that’s truly terrifying because it’s just you and it’s your fault either way. I’m coming back to Elizabeth Gilbert. Have you heard her Ted Talk about Creativity?

ME: Yes (you can find it here)

LIZ: She says that genius was considered to be this separate entity that comes to you and inspiration comes through that. So, if it was good you couldn’t take all the credit necessarily and likewise if it was bad you did have to take all the blame. I think when I’m creating something, the most important thing for me is patience. I want it to be right the first time but it doesn’t have to be and that’s why it’s called the creative process. It’s frustrating but that’s also the beauty of it. When things are born in nature normally they don’t happen over night. Sometimes it takes days, or weeks, or months or even years.

There’s story of the acorn and the oak tree and how the acorn has this force pushing it up out of the ground. But, there’s also there’s another invisible force which is the actual oak tree itself projected in the future that is pulling it up and saying , “Come on, you can get there, you can reach it.” I think that works for artists as well. You can say, “OK, I’m only this far off the ground at the moment but it’s exciting to know that there’s still space to grow.” If I hit the ceiling every single time I sat down to create something, I’d be bored. It can be hard because it entails a lot of failure along the way.

I have friend who is a director in town and she said, “Why do we do it? It’s embarrassing. Why do we choose to do something in life where we constantly fail?” We try and try and maybe one of these projects that we try over all of these years might succeed.

ME: (laughing) and it’s all public and they write about it in newspapers…

LIZ: I know and we do it over and over!! I guess we’re oblivious to that. We don’t care how many times we fail. We keep trying and you have to treat success and failure as

TOGETHER: impostors. (we’re remembering an earlier point in the conversation when Liz mentioned that her Dad introduced her to Rudyard Kipling’s poem, IF and how it has been some of the best advice she’s received.)

LIZ: It’s not about quantifying it. It might be kind of impossible to take the pressure off of yourself when you first sit down to the blank canvas to say, “It doesn’t matter if I succeed or fail because they’re both illusions and it doesn’t matter if I finish it today or twenty years from now," because we do carry all of these social pressures with us when we sit down to create. But, I know when I’m most connected to my inner child I’m not thinking about judgement, I’m just expressing myself. So, maybe that’s selfish but it’s important to be selfish sometimes.

ME: Well, perhaps the initial impulse may be to just to get the thing out on to the piece of paper but then comes the part where you share it and I think that goes back to what you were saying earlier about being interconnected and that’s why we share our stories.

LIZ: and that’s selfless because there’s that gap you have to bridge and the choices you have to make to share and that takes a lot of courage. So, it’s no longer about you.

ME: Since we're talking about courage, how do you approach auditions? So many of my students find them terrifying. How do you frame them for yourself?

LIZ: I try not to want it too badly. I tend to sabotage myself the more I think, "I need this job" or "I would be perfect for this role" or "I hope this person doesn't show up for this." Those kind of thoughts are completely useless and I've left most of them behind. If I find myself wanting a part I will try to tell somebody else about it. It's sort of like audition karma! If I tell my friends who are also my competition, it takes the pressure off of me and I can't want it as badly now. So, spread the love! And remember that the real audition happens after you get the job. You don't get jobs from auditioning as much as you get jobs from jobs. If you're lucky enough to get a good gig just do your job and be on your best behavior and pour yourself into it - all your energy, all your eagerness, all your creativity and that will get you ten times more jobs than one audition will. So, when you audition just use the talents you've been given in the best way you can. Share. Go in and say "here" and a little bit of that invisible fabric will appear if you do your job right - and that's all you wanted in the first place.

Sending Love

2010-08-11T07:57:00.004-04:00

I have three friends who are dealing with the aftermath of personal tragedy. It's not for me to name their names or circumstances but I hold them in my heart and wish to send them and their families love. If you are so moved - please send them yours,too.

Thank you wishcasters. I'm believeing in the power of wishing, intention and love.

Join us in the wishing and magic at Jamie Ridler Studios.

Now - fleeting and fragile.

2010-08-04T16:28:00.004-04:00

It's Wishcraft Wednesday over at Jamie Ridler Studios. This week Jamie asks what we wish for our creativity. Oddly, I like to ask it to take a rest every now and then. I'd like to remember that although creativity is wonderful and I celebrate it, not every moment needs to be an energy out moment. There are times when it is enough to just "be."

Two days ago I bore witness as this beautiful butterfly died. It had a broken wing. I moved it to higher ground, out of direct sunlight and brought it some nectar like fluid. But, it died. And I was there. And I wasn't writing a poem, or painting a picture or capturing it in anyway. Even taking this photo seemed a violation. I was just there - in the moment. Though it was sad, it was sacred. Life is made of such moments and I'd like to remember to be there for them instead of always trying to create something out of them.

Friendship, Creativity, Dedication, No Excuses and No Fear

2010-08-02T23:43:00.020-04:00

Marja-Lewis Ryan

One beautiful summer evening last month, Bruce and I went into Philly to see a new film The Four-Faced Liar. It was the first foray in to film of a young woman we’d watched grow up at the theatre. We‘d heard great things about the film and we were off to lend our support. By the film’s end we were both speechless. I don’t know what impressed me more, the film or the young woman who was the writer/producer/actress of the film. The Four-Faced Liar premiered at The 2010 Slamdance Film festival and has been on the circuit since picking up award after award and playing to sold out audiences. Wolfe Releasing, MTV/LOGO and Multivisionaire have respectively bought domestic DVD/VOD, broadcast and foreign rights. It is smart, funny, fresh, and honest - a staggering slam dunk entrance into the film community. After I’d picked my jaw and my heart up from the floor I gave writer/producer/actor, Marja-Lewis Ryan a call to ask her a few questions. I think you will be impressed and amazed by her and her no-excuses, no-fear attitude.

ME: OK, I know you’ve told this story hundreds of times now but will you tell it one more time, how did this film come to be?

MLR: (laughter then a deep breath) Well, Daniel Carlisle, Todd Kubrak, Emily Peck and I all went to NYU together. We studied at the Atlantic Theatre Company which was founded by the playwright, David Mamet and actor William H. Macy. During our second year they came to the school to hold a master class and I was among six students chosen to perform three scenes in front of them. At the Q&A after the master class a girl stood up and asked Mamet, “Why don’t you write more roles for women?” and he said, “Why don’t you?” He kind of just dismissed her like that and I was laughing to myself but then I thought, “It’s true, why don’t I?” So, I did.

We had scene studies for class and the kiss of death was to get a scene for two women because there’s so little material out there, so I wrote a one act play for two female characters. I produced it for one night in New York. People came and liked it so when the four of us moved to LA together I re-wrote it into a full length play for the four of us. We produced it together in the spring of 2007. Then I took that play and went off to a farm in Kansas for three months and I changed it into a screenplay. When I returned to LA it took about nine months to workshop the script and raise the money. We started shooting in the Fall of 2008. We shot 28 days over nine months - two chunks in New York to get the seasons, one in the Fall and one in the Winter and then 17 days in a sound studio just north of LA. After that it took about another six months to get through post and then we premiered at Slamdance in June of this year.

How’d I do?

ME: In every respect - amazing!! You were all in NYU’s theater program. What prompted four theatre kids to change the play into a screenplay?

MLR: We were four young kids, 21 & 22 years old, in LA. One of us had found representation but the others of us weren’t having any luck at all. One thing we took away from school was to create your own work. The one way to make sure you’re working is to do it yourself. So, I wrote the full length version of the play and we all collaborated together to workshop it. We did the play just to work but I think we were all a little surprised that people liked it so much. I mean, we all thought we were funny but we didn’t know if other people would. They did and that positive response helped spark us to take the script further.

ME: Had you ever written before?

MLR: No. The one act with the two female characters was the first thing I’d ever written and I kept exploring that original concept, re-working it into the full length play and then into the screenplay. Before then I’d never thought about writing but it felt natural and easy to me at the time so I’ve continued to write ever since then.

ME: I was struck by the honesty of the screenplay. There were a couple of times, in fact, when it was startlingly honest and I thought, “Yes, that’s what the character would really say.” Can you tell me a little bit about your process and how you get inside a character as a writer?

MLR: Something I’ve always done is kept a journal, not a “Dear Diary” type of journal but when people say things that really strike me I write them down. I also have a very, very strong auditory memory. I can remember things that were said years ago verbatim. So, I draw on that when I’m writing.

I also did some character study. The one element of the story that was hard for all four of us to get behind was the cheating. We are all pretty vanilla when it comes to that. We’ve none of us cheated or been cheated on. So, I talked to someone I know who’s about 20 years old than I am and who was like that when he was a kid. He answered my questions honestly and offered some insight into what it’s like to love someone and to be compelled to test them in that way.

ME: I know the play/screenplay was workshopped. Did things emerge from that experience that proved helpful?

MLR: OH!!! SO much!! After I had written the screenplay we would meet at 10:00am one Sunday of every month for “Defend Your Character Day.” Basically everyone wrote in longhand what happened moment to moment in their character’s journey. That way we’d be sure, well, first of all that everyone had a journey and we could clearly see the places where from point A to point B didn’t quite make sense.

I don’t know how anyone writes without workshopping because - everything sounds good in your head (laughing). And eventually, all four of us became useless because we’d been through so many drafts we’d be carrying over information that wasn’t even there anymore. So, it was really helpful to have an audience that could say, “Why did he do that?” Then we could see where we needed to fill in the holes.

Toward the end of the process one of my professors sat down with me and we went through the script from a structural perspective. One thing he told me that really stuck with me was that if your actor’s not saying it right - it’s your fault. I’m working with three very good actors so I have to assume that it’s not them - it’s me. To take that kind of responsibility for every single line really opens things up for me because I realize I have the power to change each moment.

ME: How did being the producer of the film effect you as a writer?

MLR: Well, the main thing was I was acutely aware of how much money we had. I became hyper aware of how much it was going to cost to really shoot this thing - down to the day. So, for every scene I wanted to write I had to make sure that it took place in one of the locations we already had slated. It was limiting in that way but it also kept me focused. It forced me to focus on character development. Of course, I couldn’t introduce any other characters and it became a challenge to make these people look really cool and popular when we didn’t see them hanging out with anyone else!

ME: I find your character, Brigit, to be one of the most interesting characters I’ve seen in literature or film in quite a while. I know you were writing a strong female character for yourself to play but were there any specific traits/characteristics you wanted to highlight or did she just emerge organically?

MLR: One of the things I felt very strongly about was the time line of the screenplay. I wanted to write a journey that someone who was 20-21 could really go through. I wanted her walls to be broken down a bit but I didn’t want her to complete the full journey of human life in the course of 90 minutes. Life doesn’t work that way. Change takes time.

I also wanted her to be smart. I wanted her to be more than just a one dimensional character. I didn’t want people to see her as just a player, whose only thought was picking up women. I wanted them to see that there was more to her.

ME: Ok, you had never written anything before and you had never done film before. HOW did you make this happen?

MLR: (laughing) THAT’S a broad question! The four of us really wanted this. Between technology and meeting people we were able to look at over 500 reels just to find someone who we thought would be a match for our film. We invited 5 out of the 500 to our final staged reading. Later we had a meeting with Jacob, the guy who wound up being our director, and he got it, he got our humor, everything - he just got it. We were lucky we found what we wanted - someone we could connect with. And his best friend was our cinematographer and his best friend was our DP. So, we found our team at the opposite end of the camera. The four of us found the four of them and we became like a little family - and we all pulled a lot of weight.

ME: I have to think that you must have come up against several things you’d never done before. Were any of them scary to you and how did you push past the fear?

MLR: I think the scariest part was asking for the money because it’s a crap shoot. I couldn’t guarantee they would get their money back. So, to ask people for hundreds of thousands of dollars was definitely the scariest thing I had to do. But, the first “yes” erases all the “nos” you heard before it. It’s an incredible rush, an incredible high. Even a small amount of encouragement can spark you on. So, after the first “yes” it became much easier.

ME: Sitting in the audience and watching your work with the audience had to be a new experience for you, too.

MLR: We did post right up until the second we left for Park City so none of us had seen the final mix until we were watching it with the audience at Slamdance. It was a little unnerving. We all sat in the back and held onto each other. I still get nervous every time I go to a screening. I guess it’s the lack of control. In the theatre you can feel the audience and adjust accordingly - you and the audience go on the journey together. So, the screenings can be a little scary. Besides, by now I know the film inside and out so I usually don’t watch anymore.

ME: You and the other actors, were also the producers. That had to have had it’s challenges. Did this experience inform how you might approach future projects?

MLR: DEFINITELY! For sure!! We tell this next story as sort of a joke now but - it was real. One day we shot for twelve hours, then I had to go back to the hotel room and sit up with the director to re-write the scenes we were going to shoot the next day. So, I was up for six more hours. I had to be in make-up at 6:00am so I got about 4 hours of sleep. I showed up that next morning and the make-up artist took one look at me and said, “Thank God I have white eyeliner, you look like hell!” It sounds funny but it was really a problem. We all always looked and were exhausted. We’d be up past midnight solving problems and then would have to be on set at 4:00am. We had bags under our eyes and we all lost a ton of weight.

I also have to say that to be aware as we are shooting that we are falling behind schedule does not relax me. I can’t separate the producer who knows that and is stressed about it from the actor who needs to relax in order to do her job. AND, the people I would normally turn to - my best friends - were all in the same boat!!

SO, in the future we won’t do that. For instance, we’re shooting a short in NYC in a couple of weeks. I wrote it and I’m in it but I am not producing it. Todd will be producing it.

Now, that all being said, I do have to add that there was a positive side to it. The first day we were on the sound stage together, Todd and I were helping the art department paint our set. All the grips and gaffers and swings were hanging lights and saw us there. Then the next day the camera was on me. That created a kind of morale because we all felt so completely responsible, well, because we were. People were inspired across the board. Everyone busted their butts and pitched in in so many ways. Everyone had the feeling of - whatever you can do, you will do.

ME: This has been an amazing ride for you. What would you say was the most amazing thing that’s happened to you related to this experience? What did you walk away from and say, “Wow, I can’t believe that happened?”

MLR: I actually have a very specific answer to that. The last scene of the film is a really long, one take crane shot. It starts about 25 feet up in the air then comes down on me and the other female lead, Emily, and that’s how the film ends. Film in general requires that everyone be spot on in order to get the shot but with a shot like this it really is “all hands on deck.” You have Emily and me who can’t screw up, the art department that has to arrange the entire room to make it look just so, you have the crane operator who can’t jerk or move anything, you have Danny who’s operating the camera above it, and you have Jacob, our director, who’s calling all the shots. And then, you have the entire crew that’s behind the monitor that can’t move or make a peep. Oh, and then there’s the money we had to raise to get the crane for the day so there’s THAT guy…! So, it was the 1st of July. I know that because it was Jacob’s 22nd birthday. It was about the fifth take. We said our final lines and Jacob called “cut.” We could hear sniffling so I popped my head up from the bed and then went over to him. I crouched down next to him and he said, “Do you guys want to go again?” Emily and I looked at each other and said, “no” and he said, “good.” The we walked outside together and we just cried. We really felt like we had made something that day. We felt like we did it. I don’t know why, but it felt like a real movie that day.

And then we had to shoot for another nine days…!

And that, I think, tells you more than anything about who Marja Lewis Ryan is. “What’s the most amazing thing that’s happened to you” is a cheesy question and the typical answer would be “We met So&So at Slamdance.“ But, Marja is the sort of woman for whom the craft, the work, the art is the payoff. She is the sort of woman who can recognize and celebrate a special moment in the midst of the stress and pressure and knowing that there is still more work ahead. She’s also the sort of woman who when asked if she has anything to add will say, “We were a team. We did it together. Let me just say everyone’s name.”

Jacob Chase
Emily Peck
Todd Kubrak
Daniel Carlisle
Liz Osborn
Danny Grunes
Samantha Housman

Art Journal Party At Dirty Footprints Studio

2010-07-31T13:18:00.012-04:00

Connie over at Dirty Footprints Studio is wrapping up her 30 Journals 30 Days by opening up the fun to everyone. She's asked everyone to answer a few questions about their art journaling and to post a link at her website. Go check it out and be inspired and awed at the amazing art journal love she has cookin' up over there! It's a truly uplifting and supportive community she has created.

So, here's my "interview."

How long have you been Art Journaling?

I'm not sure what I do qualifies as art journaling but my introduction to art journaling has been the jumping off place for what I do. My stuff is really more like - decorated morning pages. I am still much more verbally than visually oriented. Still, it was a revelation to me when about a year ago I was introduced to art journaling and felt compelled to put color on the page. I am hoping that as time goes on I will begin to feel even more comfortable expressing myself visually but for now this is where I am.

How has Art Journaling impacted, changed or enhanced your life?

It's allowed me to express myself in ways I didn't know I had in me. It has opened me up to color, shape, line - I didn't know I thought that way. It also never ceases to amaze me how it reveals something I need to know. I'll think I'm picking eggs to put in my art journal just because I am aesthetically drawn to them and then suddenly I'll find myself writing about what I'm trying to "hatch." It's also allowed me to fully embrace my imperfection. I'm NOT a visual artist - much of what I do is rudimentary - but that's OK because my journal is for me, just for me. By being so deeply committed to something at which I'm not very good I've been open to accepting "failure" in other areas of my life. I'm much more able to learn from "mistakes" rather than cringing and curling up in a corner over my "failure."

What are some of your favorite Art Journaling materials to use?

CHEAP ACRYLIC PAINT!!! It's cheap so I don't feel the pressure to create something wonderful and I can use as much as I want. It's immediate color on the page. I also like markers, colored pens, baby wipes, scraps of paper and cut outs from old magazines. Oh, and gel medium - you can NEVER have enough of that stuff!

Who are some of your favorite Art Journalers?

I have to confess that I haven't started collecting names yet. I'm still easing my way into the community. I buy and am inspired by Art Journal Magazine but the names I know are Connie and, of course, Teesha Moore.

What words of encouragement would you say to an Art Journal newbie?

There are no rules. Have fun. Just start. If I can do it, you can do it. Don't be intimidated by other people's beautiful pages. Be inspired and seek to express yourself. You'll be surprised what you discover.

My bio?

Actress, voice teacher, jewelry designer, part time poet, full time mom. In my fantasy world I live by the ocean in a little house situated between a library and and art supply store

Nourishing Myself with Cyber Balance

2010-07-28T11:32:00.005-04:00

(a page from my journal)

It's Wishcasting Wednesday over at Jamie Ridler Studios. This week her prompt was "How Do You Wish to Nourish Yourself?" I wish to nourish myself by reminding myself of my intention to enter the cyber world mindfully and with more balance (which I wrote more about here and which led to this). The internet is a very powerful tool but, for me, it can also be a very powerful drug. I am actively searching for ways to allow my two worlds (my "real" world and my cyber world) to feed and fuel each other. How do you wish to nourish yourself? Join the wishing!

The Ripple Effect of Jenny P

2010-07-25T18:49:00.015-04:00

Meet my friend, Jennifer Pilong - singer/songwriter, actress/playwright. When I decided to venture into this interview experiment Jenny was the first person who came to mind. In fact, the person and the idea basically came together. Now, I know MANY talented and creative people but Jenny seems to be dedicated to the creative process itself. As she says, "I have a real fifth chakra thing going on!" She has her hands deeply in so many mediums I was curious to know how she balances it all.

I first met Jenny in her incarnation as an actress. She is a card carrying Equity member who has been performing professionally since she was 17 years old and whose theatre credits are too numerous to mention here. Just believe me when I tell you she's a powerful and organic performer.

On the other side of the stage Jenny has musically directed some theme park shows, written a Christmas show which was performed at the Scottish Rite Theatre in Collingswood, NJ and Snug Harbor, NY. She also co-wrote the musical Fruitflies which was part of the Philly Fringe Festival and PGLTF. Most recently she wrote Ripples, a beautiful play about how the ripples we create can make a huge difference. Ripples had a reading at the Walnut Street Theatre this spring and after a few revisions, Jenny is now in the process of submitting it to other theatres and festivals.

Jenny-the-singer is also very busy. Jenny and her song writing partner, Stephen Kocher, make up the singer/songwriter duo, Jenny & Me. They are, as she says, "two happy kids with a penchant for sad songs." She also lends her powerful voice to Hotsy Totsy, "a three gal band that sings killer three part harmony in a style reminiscent of the Andrew Sisters."

As if all that isn't enough, Jenny also designs jewelry, paints, is a "bonafide fancer (that's a fake dancer)" and has recently started the lovely blog, Tiny Stone Big Ripples.

Jenny and I met for coffee last week and had a wonderful conversation. Here's some of what we covered :

Me: Jenny, you are involved in so many creative endeavors. Is there one that you consider your main discipline or are they all equal in your mind?

JP: I think they're starting to become equal. In the beginning, it was singing that I felt most comfortable with but then I got to AMDA (the American Musical and Dramatic Academy) and I realized that it doesn't matter if there's nothing behind the voice. One of my teachers said, "It's nice but it's vanilla pudding." At first I thought, "What do you mean, I just hit a high b-flat!!!" But after my initial impulse I immediately got it. I started putting the intention into my singing and that led naturally to the acting.

I've also always written but never with any discipline or intention until I became an adult.

Me: That leads me to another one of my questions. Did any of your talents come as a surprise to you?

JP: No. I was always drawn to anything creative. If we would have had more fat cabbage when I was growing up I would have taken any kind of dance class, painting class, ANY kind of artistic class I could get my hands on.

Me: Do you ever feel that because you are involved in so many different areas that one suffers while you concentrate on another.

JP: I used to. I always used to say, "If I'd just focus on one of them I could probably be really successful at it." And so, I had to make some decisions. I closed my on-line jewelry shop and sold off my inventory because I decided that the jewelry was just going to be for fun and just for me. I had to decide what I really wanted to make a living doing and I really want to make a living with something like Ripples. I want to write plays that make an impact and be an actress/singer. The acting/singing/writing all seems to work together for me.

Me: Has the fact that you've decided that some endeavors are for fun and some are how you make your living changed your approach to any of them?

JP: No, not really because I still love them all!! I guess the singing/writing/acting thing is just what resonates most strongly for me. I have a real fifth chakra thing going on. There's something about putting forth my truth...!!

Me: Is your creative process the same for everything? For instance when you're working on your jewelry, do you sit down and just start stringing beads together?

JP: Yes!

Me: And when you write, do you just sit down and start stringing words together?

JP: Yes!

Me: So, it's basically the same process?

JP: Kinda. For instance with Ripples, about ten years ago I said, "I want to write this show and I think it's going to be about 'this'." But, I didn't have the focus then. I wrote out the concept, some character sketches and a couple of scenes but that was it. I didn't touch it again until, well, just last year. But, when I started working on it again I scrapped just about everything except the core of the original concept and most of the characters. Then, I just started writing. I write long hand which helps free things up for me. I have this thing about how my writing can't be seen until it's perfect. (Laughing) I'm working on that! But, there's something about the long hand that frees you from that because who's going to read my chicken scratch. I can barely read it. So, I can write and even if I think, "this is crap" who cares because by the time I get it to the keyboard it's going to change.

Me: You mentioned that when this concept initially came to you, you were younger and didn't have the discipline needed to finish it. Did you have to deliberately create a writing routine for yourself?

JP: Well, I started again last summer... and the Phillies games came on at 7:00pm...so, I would make myself sit down at 4:00pm and say, "You don't have to write the whole time but you don't have the Phillies until 7:00...! So, I'd put on Annie Lennox or something cool and relaxing and I'd just write. Sometimes it was godawful hard, like extracting a tooth and sometimes it was easy. I also gave myself deadlines like, "I want Act 1 finished by here, the edits done by here. I find I work better that way even if they are self imposed deadlines. Otherwise...

Me: You may not bring the project to fruition?

JP: Right.

Me: So, now Ripples is in a transition phase, recently re-edited and ready to submit. How do you flow to the next project? Does something catch your eye, do projects seem to just come into your life or do you deliberately say, "Basta, I'm done with this" and then seek out something new?

JP: All of the above. For instance Sadie (Jenny's six year old friend) was over the other day. She was sitting at the piano and she was singing and making up songs. She looked up at me and said, "It's better if you close your eyes." She had no worry about whether anyone would think it was stupid. She was just in it! The whole day was like that. The next day I wrote a song.

(the song, by the way, is Circles which is wonderful and which you can listen to here)

ME: Do you ever get stuck?

JP: Yes.

Me: How do you get unstuck?

JP: I find that spiders show up in the house when I'm stuck or when I need to get moving on something. Or, I'll dream about spiders, which are about creation and weaving. So, when the spiders start showing up I know it's time to get moving. I also write everyday but it's just writing...

Me: Like what Julia Cameron would call "Morning Pages?"

JP: Yes, just free flowing to get all the crap out. Sometimes, I walk or meditate or have a six year old over.

Me: What feeds you creatively?

JP: Louie, Louie and I together..

Me: Yes!

JP: We are pretty much always in collaboration.

Me: Are you good about taking care of yourself when you're really immersed in a project?

JP: I'm better. I'm starting to recognize that those little things can get me stuck if I don't take care of them. I can't work until the checkbook is balanced or the apartment is clean but again - Louie! If I'm really immersed in a project then he's got those things covered and he brings me sandwiches. And vice versa, I do it for him.

Me: OK, this question is mostly just for me because we both operate in the world differently than most people. Our schedules are much different than those of the rest of the world. I find I need to follow my natural rhythm, in fact, if I don't it can be one of the things that blocks me.

JP: (agreeing) YES!

Me: And, it seems to me that you're totally OK with the way your rhythm falls.

JP: Yes!

Me: So, if you get up at 2:00 in the afternoon, you're OK with that?

JP: Yeah! Louie says, "Don't TELL people that" and I say, "Why not, it's AWESOME!!" But, I've been this way all my life.

ME: Me,too, but I always feel guilty. Everyday I get up and say, "OK, tonight I'm going to bed early and I'm going to get up early."

JP: I have NEVER felt guilty. I've never felt I have to be a certain way. I think it's easier to just go with the flow and adjust as you need to.

Me: Are there any other ways that you have to adapt because the world works one way and you function differently?

JP: Well, it sucks that things close just when I'm ready to start something!

Me: What's next for you?

JP: Well. I'd like to do a full recording of Jenny & Me, I've been hitting the audition scene again and I'm getting ready to submit Ripples.

This is where the "interview" morphed into a full on conversation about where to submit the play, working styles, former roommates, SYTYCD, the Tonys, energy medicine and well - you get the picture. So, imagine yourself sipping the beverage of your choice, relaxing, and enjoying the laughter and vibrant energy of Jennifer Pilong. Let the vibration of her mantra, "I am a creative being here to bring peace, joy, healing and harmony to Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants" ripple over you!

Good Stuff at Creative Live

2010-07-24T10:43:00.005-04:00

I just had to drop in and jot down a quick note about all of the good stuff that's happening over at Creative Live (a FREE, live, worldwide, online creative classroom). This weekend I'm participating in David duChemin's class, Vision Driven Photography. The first session was yesterday afternoon but you can catch the second session today or you can buy the downloadable videos of the sessions for a very reasonable price. Next week I'll be starting the first of a five week watercolor course with Molly Murrah - and all of this is for FREE!!

I have to confess that as I sat down to watch yesterday I couldn't imagine sitting in front of my computer for three hours. Three hours later I was energized, inspired and wished it could go on for another three! David duChemin had me hooked from the first second and I found myself writing down quotable phrases one after the other. Here are a few:

Accept the fact that you will always be frustrated. That's part of being an artist.

Honor and acknowledge the collaboration between you and the moment.

Creativity flourishes in constraint

Embrace the chaotic

Bad ideas are important because they lead you to better ideas.

And those are just a few. His process of allowing vision to drive the technology resonates with me and it has been how I approach any and all of my creative disciplines. But, I think what I appreciate most about his philosophy is the "no excuses mentality" he seems to have. Photography is like any creative endeavor - it's hard work, it's frustrating, you have to learn the craft, you'll make mistakes. If you are waiting for any of this to go away, you are kidding yourself and you will never get down to the messy work of creativity. The way to become a better photographer is to SHOOT!!! Don't wait for things to be perfect - get out there and DO IT!

Coffee Creativity Connection

2010-07-23T10:38:00.005-04:00

I am so happy that I am following through with the inspiration to interview the many interesting, talented and creative people I know. My life has been enriched in a myriad of ways by them and I know that by sharing their thoughts, words and ideas here they will enrich and inspire many other lives.

After my first interview I can already see that this is also going to be one of those experiences that will return to me a thousand fold. What a wonderful, joyful, unexpected bonus! The interview process gives me the undivided attention of these folks. Given that they are talented and highly creative they are busy and in demand. Although I know, have worked with and socialized with them, we have not had these kinds of conversations that allow me to see more deeply into who they are.

My first interview took place yesterday afternoon. We laughed, talked, laughed, got way off topic, laughed, connected and when we finally came up for air I couldn't believe how much time had passed. I am already planning our next get together. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I know you will enjoy getting to know her, too. She is a singer/songwriter, actress/playwright whose mantra is "I am a creative being here to bring peace, joy, healing and harmony to Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants."

I'm off to transcribe and organize. Look for the interview in a couple of days.

Journaling

2010-07-20T14:58:00.005-04:00

For the past several years I've taught a journaling workshop at the Ritz Theatre's Summer Camp. We talk about writing and drawing and poems and capturing our ideas on paper so we can further develop them or just to express ourselves. This year we wrote a list poem together.

Theatre IS!
Theatre is..
Reality with art, drama and music
Exciting and educational
A story
A song
A rhythm
Expressing your self through art, dancing and singing
Exotic
Awesome
Fun
Cool
Creative
A place for me to express myself, let go of all the stress and be my own person
A place where you can use your imagination
Where I laugh the hardest
Friendship
A great place to be
Relaxing
Entertaining
Awesome
Crazy
Energetic
One of my favorite things
Thinking
Memorizing
Challenging
Learning
Being someone else
Bringing the power from your insides out to others
Like a ball of fire in my mind I can't stop from spreading
Where you can be yourself or be a dragon, a cat, a mailman, an alien - it’s a place to do ANYTHING
Going to places you’ve only dreamed of
A place where all belong
Quiet
Loud
Showing what you got
Love
Hate
Passion
Everything
Art
Dance
Singing
Acting
Drama
LIFE
I love it all
Theatre is my best adventure yet!

I'm Back

2010-07-16T20:52:00.002-04:00

I've been away for a while. I suspended much of my online activity (other than Facebook which I could never quite let go of) because I found I was spending more time on the computer writing about doing stuff rather than actually doing stuff. I'm hoping that this time around I'll be able to achieve a bit more balance. I'm not sure it's possible because I think I tend to be an "all-or-nothing" kind of gal. But, I'm going to give it my best effort.

I have missed all of the interesting, creative people I've met online but this hiatus reminded me that I know some pretty fascinating folks in my everday life as well. That in turn led me to toy with the idea of somehow combining the two worlds. My plan is to interview the people who inspire me, friends whose creativity and talent touch my tangible world but with whom I've never discussed the creative process. This also gives me an excellent opportunity to ask these folks the questions about their work that pop into my head at 3:00am. Win-win.

So, I'm back - tentatively.

2010-04-12T18:43:00.000-04:00

Lend your ears to music, open your eyes to painting, and…stop thinking! Just ask yourself whether the work has enabled you to “walk about” into a hitherto unknown world. If the answer is yes, what more do you want?
-Kandinsky 1910

2010-03-29T00:52:00.003-04:00

I didn't wear black

and bought copic markers

not a "real" artist.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

2010-02-19T00:00:00.001-05:00

This was my HAPPY highlight of the week. My little friend Emily invited me to read to her First Grade class. My daughter is now 13 so I don't get to do the read aloud thing anymore and I miss it. I love children's books and I love sharing books by reading aloud. I loved the energy and exhuberance of the first graders, the giggles, the questions, the wiggles, and I love how the little dude in the Phillies shirt wandered into our picture!! Mostly I loved the GIGANTIC hug I received from Emily when I entered the classroom. I wish it all could have lasted longer - it was one great big HAPPY!

HAPPY!!

2010-02-14T12:53:00.003-05:00

I'm late to the party - I know. I've been involved in a project that was MUCH more all consuming than I had anticipated. I've been doing what I LOVE which is what it's all about but this was almost an overdose. I'm looking forward to visiting blogs and seeing all the happiness and joy and fun! This week for me -it was snow. I once lived in Minnesota where snow was an everyday experience. Now I live in Jew Jersey where snow is an event. I like that. It stopped everything here for about a day which was good for me. It gave me time to stop and just enjoy the simple things like laughing and playing in the snow with my 13 year old.

Auditions

2009-12-08T22:40:00.004-05:00

Part of what I'm exploring here on my little ol' blog is my creative process. My absence from blogging is worth exploring because it is indicative of an aspect of my creative way of being but I will write about that later. This time I just want to remind myself of my typical reaction to auditions. I'm not sure that at the age of 48 I can retrain myself but I certainly can and do recognize the pattern.

I rarely feel "nervous" about auditions. Instead what I feel is a sort of free floating dread and anxiety. No matter how good I feel prior, at about 30-24 hours before the audition I begin to feel hopeless. It's not just that I think I can't do the audition, I start to think that EVERYTHING I've ever done or will do is pointless and/or a failure. I feel what is akin to the deepest chemical depressions through which I've journeyed. I also begin to feel sick. I develop flu-like symptoms and frequently run a fever. Many times I'm unable to sleep at night, again, not because I feel nervous but because I feel sick or in pain. At the time I am going through all of this it seems enough to justify my never performing again. I could say, "If it's this much agony, then maybe it's your body telling you that you shouldn't be doing this." But, I also know that if I tough it out and just go to the audition, I will be fine. I ALWAYS find that burst of joy and adrenaline during the audition and even if I still feel unwell after the audition, I know that will dissipate within about 24 hours.

I've tried to re-train my mind, and actually, I DO think of auditions as opportunities and once I'm there, I enjoy them. But, my body has it's own way of responding. It's almost as if my body knows I must wrestle the demons out before I can effectively approach the creative fires of the audition process. I've learned to just acknowledge what is happening, to pamper myself a little but to just keep moving forward despite what I feel.

2009-11-14T20:07:00.002-05:00

"I detest audiences, not in their individual components, but, en masse I detest audiences. I think they are a force of evil. The spectator in the arena who regards the musical performance as some sort of athletic event is happily removed from the risk, but he takes some kind of glee in what goes on there. To me, this is heartless, ruthless and senseless. This is, of course, entirely separate from what is really going on, an effort by the performer to form a powerful identification with the music. A performance is not a contest but a love affair."
-Glenn Gould

2009-11-13T16:00:00.001-05:00

Play

2009-11-06T00:51:00.005-05:00

Photo by RL Valde (my Dad)

This week's chapter of The Joy Diet, "Play" has helped me bring some things into focus. I have been blessed in that I have known what my "real career" is for nearly all of my life. What I do is where I feel at home, where I feel connected and where I feel joy. It has been where I play and it has also been where I work. That has been part of the challenge for me throughout my life, to allow it all to remain play even though it is my job. That hasn't always been easy.

Another great blessing I have enjoyed is the surprise of being a mother. It has been play and it has been an immense joy. For something I had never planned on doing, being a mom has felt so natural. It has the same feeling about it that singing has always had - it is instinctive, I feel called to it, and (most days) it's fun.

All of this is in flux at the moment. My daughter entered middle school this year and as several of you already know- it's a huge change. The rules are all different now and for the first time, I feel unsure of my mothering skills. Some days I'm just one step a head other days I'm two steps behind.

I'm feeling the same way about my performing as well. I won't bore you with the details here. I will just say that until recently, I felt on track. I had switched trains but I was still on track. Now, I'm not sure where I'm going.

I think this what some would call a "midlife crisis." That phraseology seems a little dramatic for my situation. However, everything is changing, my body, my role as a mother, my "career." I have been gathering in, quietly feeling around the edges of all this newness and moving toward what is next without really knowing what that might be. From the outside, I'm sure it looks like I am standing still. I thought I would be settled and rock solid by the time I was this age. I wasn't at all prepared to be in this place so it is a little disconcerting. There is a part of me that wants to get some mind numbing job just to fill the time. But, thanks to a phone call with a great friend (thanks Patricia) and a question Martha Beck poses in this chapter, I know I can't do that.

Martha asks, "what did you do after 9/11?" I, of course, connected with family and friends. But, I remember the two things that seemed crucial to me at the time. 1). loving my daughter and helping her obtain the skills she needs to blossom into the incredible woman I know she will be. 2. bringing comfort to others in the way I had to offer - through my voice. So often I have been told "you have a gift" and I say to myself "yeah, a 'gift' that cost as much as medical school." But, at that time it truly did feel like a gift. I actually had something of value that I could contribute and it felt like a gift.

So, although I'm not sure where I'm going, I know it still somehow involves these two things. This Chapter has been a great reminder to me to stay true to myself and to maintain my sense of play as I go through this transition.

Joy Diet - Treats

2009-10-30T00:00:00.000-04:00

Am I REALLY supposed to be blogging while game two of the World Series is on????? JEEZ! :) (yes, I know this seems out of character - but that's me- I'm an enigma)

OK - here it is quick & dirty. I am one of those people who has a hard time thinking up treats and even when I do think of them - I don't do them. Last year I while I was doing a rather physically demanding show (many bruises) under stressful conditions I promised myself I would get a massage when it was over - never did it. Then after doing Midsummer while clinically depressed I promised myself I would get a massage when it was over - never did it. THEN after doing Heidi Chronicles (both times) I promised myself I would get a massage when it was over - well you know the drill now. Could it be my body goes into depression because I never follow through on my promises to it?

Why do I defer my desires, why don't I give myself the treats I know I 'd love. These are deep questions and I could (and maybe should) stop here to try to get to the bottom of them but I think they are questions I will probably be working on for quite a some time. So, I'll ponder and keep paddling. I've started a little list of treats and I'm starting to do them. Today I listened to opera even though other family members were home - baby steps, my friends, baby steps.

This weekend I'll treat myself to one of my favorite holidays - HALLOWEEN!!!

TRICK-OR-TREAT!!!

5 Things

2009-10-29T00:00:00.000-04:00

1. HALLOWEEN!!! One of my all time favorite holidays. I loved it as a kid, the dressing up and going out after dark. It was so much fun and seemed so magical - without all the pressure and hype of Christmas. I still like it for many of the same reasons. Now I like to see the kids whooping and hollering through the fallen leaves on their way to my door. Trick-or -Treat!!

2. My favorite Halloween movie is The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was singing in Orlando when they finished this up so I got to see the private screening in Orlando. I was enchanted by Tim Burton's wonderfully creative world and it has remained a favorite ever since.

3. My favorite jack-o-lantern idea this year. It makes me giggle.

4. Aren't these Halloween cupcakes just adorable? I found these at Le Cupcake. Go take a look at these and all of the other beautiful and imaginative cupcakes. Cupcakes as art.

5. Finally, what's Halloween without costumes??!! This made the rounds on Facebook and I got a kick out of it. I must have been a 5 year old boy in another life. Check out some more fun homemade costumes here.

H A P P Y H A L L O W E E N ! ! !

Now THAT'S a Diva

2009-10-26T01:09:00.002-04:00

I found this on Joyce DiDonato's blog and had to share it.

Fall Glory

2009-10-25T18:30:00.003-04:00

This is all Mother Nature - I didn't do anything other than capture it with my crummy little point & shoot. Ah! that color!!!!!!!!!!!! Glorious!!!

Risk

2009-10-23T00:00:00.000-04:00

As we continue our journey through Martha Beck's The Joy Diet at The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler we were invited this week to explore risk. "Every day, do at least one frightening thing that contributes to the fulfillment of your desires."

I don't have any big dramatic risks that are tugging at me at the moment. I'm in a much more contemplative place trying to figure out my next move. So, I won't be rock climbing or jumping out of a plane (although a former student of mine did just that this past week). My risks are smaller but just as seemingly inexplicable.

I have this baffling need to make art. Painting, drawing, photography, paper collage - you name it - I need to do it. I don't know why. I have no talent or training. I HAVE a god-given talent (as they say). I sing. I'm good at what I do. I get paid to do it, people come to me to teach them how to do it. So, why the hell am I painting for god sake??? I have NO idea.

These are also the risks that call to me: "Go ahead - buy that paint," "Get down on the ground to get that shot (even if people are looking)," "Take that workshop." And I did - all of it. I'm taking Carmen Torbus's Spill It workshop. There are people in this workshop who know what they are doing - I mean - they are artists. I haven't had any kind of art class since the third grade when our teacher threw a chalk board eraser at one of my classmates because his tree was "wrong." Yet, here I am posting my work right up along side of theirs. You have to be a risk taker or an idiot to do something like that!!!! Carmen and my fellow workshop participants have all been incredibly kind and supportive and I am so grateful for that.

I'm not sure where all of this is taking me. I pull at the thread of a thought that says, as I am changing, this amorphous goo in the chrysalis, what I have to say and how I say it is changing, too. I'm not sure that the visual arts will be the final incarnation of my metamorphosis but I know it will inform it. So...I paint.

PS: the item on top of my books is a really cool watercolor palette that my husband gave me years ago. He eventually took it for himself because I never used it. I still probably won't use it much. It's a little cumbersome and at the moment it's filled with his colors not mine. Reclaiming it, however, is symbolic. I acknowledge this part of myself.

(collage done for Carmen Torbus's Spill It Workshop)

5 Things

2009-10-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

(bad phone camera shot - remember to take the good camera with you)

1. This is not a great shot but that's sort of my point. The trees are GORGEOUS now. There are about 5-7 days a year when they are like this. SO, step away from the computer, grab your camera (so you don't have to resort to using your phone camera on the fly like I did) and get out there and enjoy the COLOR.

2. Improv Everywhere is so much fun. Watch the Grocery Store Musical all the way to the end, I love the guy who says, "What just happened. They did a musical - they turned life into a musical!"

3. Connie over at Dirty Footprints Studio is doing a week of art journal love. I especially liked "Dreaming of Modigliani" but you'll want to check them all out. You can feel her joy leap out at you from across the computer screen!

4. Chema Madoz's surrealistic photography is beautiful, brilliant and thought provoking - see several of his works here at haha.nu.

5. I'm reading Thinkertoys: A Handbook of Creative Thinking Techniques by Michael Michalko. It's a "business" creative book and that's usually not my thing but I'm finding so many really useful and interesting techniques that can apply to almost any situation.

2009-10-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

Giggle

2009-10-18T00:00:00.001-04:00

2009-10-16T18:20:00.005-04:00

Today India will celebrate the first of 5 days of DIWALI, a significant festival in Hinduism, Jainism, and Sikhism. Diwali, is known as "the festival of lights." Traditionally, "diyas," lamps made from clay pots filled with oil, are placed throughout the home. The lamps of Diwali are lit to give thanks for health, success, and peace. They signify the triumph of knowledge over ignorance and the belief that, through light, one discovers true beauty and the joy of life.

I have never celebrated Diwali but the essence of the festival resonates with me and I add my energy to those who are celebrating.

The Joy Diet: Creativity

2009-10-15T21:15:00.005-04:00

Last week's ingredient in The Joy Diet was "desire." I'm still unclear as to what my heart's true desire is at this time. As I've mentioned before, I'm in a place of transition at the moment and I'm ok with that. I also live a pretty charmed life. I have most of what my heart truly desires. So, I didn't have much to say last week.

Creativity was the ingredient this week. Here's where things got interesting for me. I consider myself a relatively creative person and being in the performing arts I call upon my creativity on a daily basis. But, in this chapter Martha Beck is really talking about creating YOUR LIFE. Ah! The assignment was to name one true desire daily and TAKE ACTION. Yep - you guessed it - that's where I get stuck. I was amazed, truly amazed at how frequently I defer my little everyday desires. I have a movie from Netflix that I've been wanting to watch for 6 months now!! I have a background that I've wanted to do an image transfer on for three days, I skip meals when I'm hungry, I have an ipod full of music I love that I rarely listen to. I've been asking myself "WHY" all week. I'm not even sure the answer is important and searching for the answer might just be another diversion tactic. This week I've been trying to diligently and honestly follow the suggest to identify one true heart's desire and take action on it. It hasn't been comfortable and I am still processing everything that has come up this week but I've been doing it.

5 Things

2009-10-15T00:00:00.001-04:00

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

Here's what Jarbas Agnelli says about the music: "Reading a newspaper, I saw a picture of birds on the electrical wires. I cut out the photo and decided to make a song using the exact location of the birds as notes."

3. Following Dreams: I saw this documentary on (again!) my local PBS channel. It followed a variety of people who followed their dreams, often despite the odds. Check your PBS listings and catch it if you can.

4. This week I was lucky enough to catch a photography webinar by Art Wolfe on light. I learned so much about photography and thinking like an artist. It was third in a series by Art Wolfe on composition. The first webinar is available at livebooks.

5. Artsyville is one of my new fun places to visit.

2009-10-13T23:54:00.002-04:00

Today Creative Techs offered a webinar with Art Wolfe. I've been taking their photography class with John Greengo and received an email just yesterday about this class. I rearranged my schedule so I could be by my computer this afternoon and I'm so glad I did. I learned so much about light, light light. I think it's what I love most about his photography. He also mentioned over and over again the importance of being open to the unpredictable. You may be planning to photograph one thing when another will suddenly make itself available to you. You can't be too locked into your original plan or you might miss the perfect opportunity. It's a wonderful metaphor for life isn't it?

Moving My Life into the Foreground

2009-10-13T00:00:00.002-04:00

I'm participating in the Spill It Workshop led by the wonderful Carmen Torbus. Our first assignment was to create backgrounds for our pieces. I had a great time doing this, intuitively moving the paint around the canvas with my hands. I learned so much and it was very freeing. This week we're doing image transfers. I am SO STUCK!! I just can't seem to move onto this next step. I was looking through my journal to see if something would inspire me and then it hit me - I NEVER cover the backgrounds. Well, I do - I write over them but I never cover them with images. I never move beyond that first step. I have another project that I started - I did paper collage over some old hardback book covers. I want to add images and paint but they have just been sitting on my table staring at me for over a month now. I think I'm afraid I will mess things up. It's as if my inner critic is saying, "Phew, made it past that first step without making a total ass out of yourself - better quit now before something bad happens." What happened to all of that wrecking I did this summer. I'm invoking my Inner Wrecking Warrior - help me wreck this canvas!!! Help me move into the foreground!

2009-10-12T11:13:00.000-04:00

5 Things

2009-10-08T00:00:00.006-04:00

You shouldn't have to justify your work
-Judy Chicago

1. This week while watching my local PBS station I happened upon a wonderful documentary entitled No Compromise: Lessons in Feminist Art with Judy Chicago. In 2002 Judy Chicago returned to the classroom as a visiting professor at Indiana University. This film captures her work with the students and the students' artistic process from concept to execution. I loved watching her push the students to their edge demanding that they make their work bold, powerful and personal. Check your local listings - it might be coming to your PBS station.

2. I am taking the Spillit Workshop with the vivacious and talented Carmen Torbus. Carmen is a fantastic teacher - her videos and explanations are fun and easy to follow,Carmen herself is encouraging and enthusiastic and the other participants are creative and supportive. I highly recommend the workshop. We're starting week two today but Carmen is leaving registration open for a bit longer so it's not to late to join us.

3. Found this little writing prompt site, One Word. It's quick and fun and it helped me get a poem started.

4. Diana Damrau is probably the best coloratura soprano in the world right now. This video shows her talking about the roles she sings. It also shows her recording several arias. What's fascinating (at least to me) is that you can see her technical thinking physically manifested. This is the sort of thing we singers do all of the time when we practice but let go of when we perform. For me it was a mini voice lesson because I could tell exactly what she was thinking as she approached certain notes and phrases. Although you may not get the technical subtleties - you will at least be impressed with her impeccable coloratura.

5. I thought THIS was fun,too.

A Voice Unheard

2009-10-06T11:46:00.004-04:00

For a while now I've been thinking that my singing days are pretty much behind me. I haven't really sung since Kiss Me Kate last year. I did manage to pull things together a bit for A Midsummer Night's Musical this past Spring but just barely. I began preparing myself for this a couple of years ago - voices don't last forever and it seemed wise to have a back-up plan. Although I do enjoy teaching, I'm like Cassie in a Chorus Line - I don't want to spend my life teaching others what I should be doing myself. I knew there had to be something else. So, I've been experimenting with this transition, doing theatre, painting, spending more time writing poetry. I can't say I've missed singing. I don't wake up thinking, "Today I want to sing!" But, to be honest - I hadn't had that thought in years. YEARS!! I'd wake up and think - "Today I HAVE to sing" because that's what I did EVERY DAY. It's was like breathing - I just did it - I didn't think about it much.

Some days I feel guilty for neglecting what most would view as a gift. Some days I feel sad - like I should be squeezing every last drop out of my voice. But, truthfully, most days I don't think about it at all. It has just slipped away and I figured it was like so many other things that are slipping away from me these days - my hair color, my period, my eyesight, blah, blah,blah! But, then this past Friday, Bruce and I went to see Showboat at another theatre. Not my favorite musical but I noticed that I was breathing with the singers. My body was physically responding to the music as if I was singing. It was completely subconscious. It is what my body does naturally. When someone sang a high note - I realized that I actually had to stop myself from singing out loud - my instinctive impulse is to sing. After the show was over I spent the rest of the night humming and singing to myself.

So, now I wonder, I am really done singing? Did I stop because it was the natural progression of things or did I stop because I am subconsciously sabotaging myself? What is my true desire- to sing or not to sing (that is the question *hee-hee*)? I am so close to it I can't tell right now.

October Full Moon Dreamboard

2009-10-04T20:58:00.004-04:00

As I meditated on this month's full moon I thought about the things that ground me -being in nature & feeling my connection to the earth, walking, meditating, yoga and my gratitude journal. This time of year I also love the "gathering in" activities of crochet (I just never have caught onto knitting) and cooking - especially rich, warm, yummy soups.

Ghost Light

2009-10-04T18:27:00.002-04:00

Some families go to baseballs games or BBQs to bond - mine helped make a movie for the Project Twenty1 Film Fest. Great fun!

Bag Monsters

2009-10-04T13:27:00.001-04:00

These guys made me smile today! I'd love to happen upon one of these bag creatures!

Truth

2009-10-01T19:19:00.007-04:00

(I'm posting early so I can go to bed early tonight - hopefully.)

This week I've been trying to face the truth. In her book, The Joy Diet, Martha Beck asks us to create and absorb at least one moment of truth each day. After 15 minutes of "nothing" she suggests we ask ourselves the following questions:

What am I feeling?

What hurts?

What is the painful story I'm telling?

Can I be sure my painful story is true?

Can I think of another story that might work better?

Here's what I know is true - I'm in transition. I'm perimenopausal, (which, by the way, pretty much sucks - I don't recommend it *hee-hee*), I'm drifting away from what once was my livelihood and full time passion and my little girl has become a teenager. I am acutely aware of all of this. The trouble with transition is - you have to go through it. Grr! My mind is full of questions, doubts, wonders and I know that this restlessness is practically oozing from my pores. So, when I plopped down to do nothing this week and ask myself the questions, I was pretty sure I knew which direction the answers were going to go. Lord knows I have all kinds of issues just standing in line waiting to unearth themselves.

I was derailed with the first question.

"What are you feeling?"

And there it was like a stretch of bright blue sky - I'm happy. I'm happy for no reason.

I'm happy.

You'd have to know me these days to really appreciate how surprising that was to me. Content, accepting, resigned, maybe - but happy? You'd have to know me to know how hard that is for me to say - I'm happy. Bitingly funny, sarcastic - probably - but happy?

How wonderful to know that along side all of this transition there is happiness. It's right there for me to grab on to whenever I want it.

My truth is I'm happy. Now ain't that somthing?

Come join The Next Chapter at Jamie Ridler Studios

5 Things

2009-10-01T00:00:00.003-04:00

1. I've been taking creativetechs 10 week on-line digital photography class with John Greengo. We just completed week four. The classes are FILLED with information, stuffed to the brim. And, the classes are free. Since I don't know f/stops from train stops it's been highly informative and easy to understand. And did I mention - free!

2. If you don't know of Anoushka Shankar give her music a listen. It's so rich and interesting. She is a sitar player and composer. She studied classical sitar with her father (Ravi Shankar - remember him? Seriously if you don't, you're not as old as I am) and is considered one of the best. But, (here's the cool part) she also crosses over into flaminco, western classical, electronica and so on. One of my latest favorites is Red Sun on her album, Rise. Go listen - now wasn't that great?

3. Girls in Trouble. I found them while searching through the Amazon free MP3 downloads. They are uber cool. Their album comes out later this month. Here's what they say about themselves on their Myspace page: " Girls in Trouble = informed by years of classical violin training, Baltimore punk rock shows in the early 90's, and ancient Hebrew and Aramaic studies in Jerusalem as well as shyness, Emily Dickinson, and the symphonies Alicia has heard in her head since she was a small child."

4. I love to look at Sue Doodles. She inspires me - makes me want to doodle.

5. The Daily Om is offering A Year of Rumi. They will send you a copy of one of Rumi's poems everyday for a year. Sounds like a lovely practice. They are also offering the opportunity to pay what you can from $1-$100.

Stopping Thought

2009-09-30T17:37:00.002-04:00

I've been reading the posts of fellow participants of The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler. We're currently reading Martha Beck's The Joy Diet. Each chapter explores a different component of joy and the first chapter suggests we try 15 minutes per day of nothing. Almost every post I've read has talked about how hard it is to quiet the mind. I have that "problem," too, but I guess I'm a bit of a slacker and I've just accepted it. Though, I must confess that deep down I've thought of it as a character flaw. Today as I was going through old Yoga Journal magazines looking for images for my vision cards - I hit upon this article which dispelled all of my fears. BONUS: I also found the perfect image for my vision card!

2009-09-29T22:01:00.002-04:00

In my performing life I've discovered that each audience has it's own personality. Most are friendly, some are shy and a few can be downright predatory. This past weekend I decided that even if the audience turned out to be a Polar Bear - I'd be the Husky. It was amazing how re-enforcing my sense of play with this imagery freed me to just go out and be in the moment and enjoy the energy exchange between me, my castmates and the audience.

Nothing

2009-09-25T12:52:00.004-04:00

I have joined the wonderful Jamie Ridler's Next Chapter as we explore Martha Beck's book, The Joy Diet. Each chapter focuses on an aspect of Joy. This week we were to do NOTHING for 15 each day. Normally I live a rather slow, contemplative life but this week I found myself resisting doing nothing. It was tech week for Heidi Chronicles (we opened last night - standing o - yea!) and there just never seem to be enough hours in the day during tech week. I did sort of force myself to do it but once I did it was lovely. I sat outside on my back deck watching the fountain in our little pond. The splashing of the water and the buzz of the cicadas made a wonderfully hypnotic sound that helped transport me into nothingness. When I caught myself thinking I used the technique mentioned in the book of imagining I was watching a waterfall. When I was a child we visited Niagara Falls and I remember there was a place where you could stand behind the water and watch it falling in front of you. Although it crowded and touristy I remember being transfixed by the immense power and beauty of the water. I used to try to stop my thoughts but I don't do that anymore. Now I just try to notice them, accept them and not attach anything to them. Sometimes I imagine myself as a mountain and my thoughts as clouds. Some days there are no clouds and I get lost in the emptiness. Other days there may be lots of bright, fluffy, cheerful clouds and on still others there may be a thick blanket of dark threatening clouds. I try to remember I am not the clouds, I am the mountain. It usually works during meditation but not often in LIFE. I still need much practice!

I didn't get to my vision card this week. I have a very clear idea of what I will do but I opted to do nothing this week instead while my time is so limited.

First Rehearsal Blues

2009-09-21T14:42:00.005-04:00

We begin the process of re-mounting The Heidi Chronicles tonight. I always have such trouble with first rehearsals. You would think that after years of performing that this would be old hat to me. Unfortunately, I put myself through a ridiculous amount of torture every time. I can never sleep the night before - I awaken with some sort of free floating anxiety - it never seems related to the show but to life in general. When I finally drag myself out of bed I'm filled with dread about the impending rehearsal and then filled with guilt about the dread. Every self-doubt I thought I'd dealt with and put aside comes sneaking back into my mind. I become paralyzed - unable to do anything other than physically get myself ready for the rehearsal.

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could just bop along grateful and excited for the experience. But, this is another of my "who I wish I was and who I really am" moments. Due to the fact that I know other people occasionally read my blog, there is a part of me that wants to express only positive things and not contribute to the negativity in the world. But, it's not true, it's not authentic. The truth is - I'm frequently a big fat mess before the first rehearsal. That is the truth about my current creative process.

My only consolation is that after years of experiencing this irrational behavior, I know to expect it and I know it will pass. By the time I'm at the theatre tonight, I'll be fine and on opening night when everyone else is dealing with jitters - I'll be calm and happy ( I think that comes from my opera singing years when I knew once the show opened, the conductor couldn't yell at me from the pit anymore - hee hee!). Until then, I'm going to just go easy with myself. I'll go for a little walk, watch some mindless TV and try to eat something and keep telling myself over & over that this too shall pass.

My Joy

2009-09-17T22:07:00.006-04:00

I'm very excited to begin The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler as we dive into Martha Beck's The Joy Diet. I had such a wonderful time and met so many interesting & creative people with the last book, Keri Smith's Wreck this Journal. I have a feeling this adventure will be just as inspiring. I've also been a fan of Martha Beck's for quite some time. Anyone who makes me re-think my life while making me laugh out loud gets my vote.

It seems appropriate that I should be beginning this journey today. Thirteen years ago I gave birth to the greatest joy of my life - my daughter. She was a fabulous, unplanned surprise. I'd never thought of myself as at all maternal and POW!!! There has never been anything in my life that has been so right and filled me with such joy. Of course, now that she is thirteen she still needs me but in a different, less all consuming way (you know - be there but make sure none of my friends can see you). It's hard to admit but now as she grows older I feel a little melancholy. Don't get me wrong - I want her to grow, sprout her wings and fly and I have a very rich life of my own. But, I miss that little person & seeing the world through her eyes. I know it's time for me now to start finding my own joy as I go through this transition.

*Side note: I've been experiencing migraines on an almost daily basis and I've discovered that the computer is a big trigger. I'm going to do my best to get around to every one's blogs to meet you but it might take me a while.

Time Out

2009-09-14T21:50:00.003-04:00

I've been back from my trip for a while now and might post about it later. Since the second day of the trip I have had a migraine every day. I do get them occasionally but have never had a bout like this. Needless to say - not much art got done on the trip! And, I'm finding now that the computer is a big trigger so I've been limiting my time here. Once this chain of migraines is broken I'll be back to more regular posting and visiting of blogs!! 'Til then - happy thoughts to all!

2009-08-24T19:30:00.001-04:00

SEE YOU AFTER LABOR DAY!

The MeMe Award

2009-08-24T12:59:00.005-04:00

I just received my first blog award - the MeMe award from the lovely Beverly Baird. Beverly has been so wonderfully supportive of me and my little blog. Thanks so much to Beverly.

The rules of the award are as follows:

1. Share 7 tidbits about yourself

2. Share this MeME blog award with 7 blogger friends.

My seven tidbits are:

1. I eat popcorn everyday

2. I own yoga sweats, wearable art and concert attire and not much inbetween.

3. I like to make my own jewelry

4. I just bought a new camera that I'm a little afraid to use

5. I've lived in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Iowa, Minnesota, Florida and Missouri.

6. I love to read and often have 4-5 books going at a time

7. I once did singing telegrams for a living

Now I'd like to pass this award on the these blogger friends.

1. Hybrid J whose explorations in writing and creativity are inspiring and who has gone out of her way to extend the hand of friendship. Thank you Hydrid J!!

2. To Kavindra of A Clear Path To Happy whose compassionate heart and wonderful sense of humor make me smile everyday. Kavindra has also been generous in her support of my blog. Kavindra is generous in her support of all!

3. To LaWendula. Her One-Tribe-One-Heart Project is an inspiration.

4. To my friend Rebecca at Hemidemisemiquaver who probably doesn't even know I follow her blog. She's a woman of many talents!

5. To Judipatooti who is just so prolific and energetic it blows my mind!

6. To my friend Joey, of Cooking With Joey fame, whose blog got me thinking about starting my own blog, whose cooking is amazing and whose friendship is dear!

7. To Leeanne, my moonsister, who has just started her blog, Yoga Chat, and needs some blog love. I think you'll find her thoughts moving and inspirational.

Golden Wishes

2009-08-23T02:34:00.004-04:00

I wish I could be more like my dog. It's not a new sentiment, I know. However, it is true. Goldie, my Golden Retriever, lives in a golden world. Everyday she wakes up excited to greet the day. Everyday she runs to the food bowl happy and grateful -"Hooray, dog food again!" She looks for opportunities to play, she'll drop anything for a hug, she loves unconditionally and she's the eternal optimist sure that THIS is the day she's going to catch that squirrel. She is such a well-mannered, gentle, lovable golden girl.

The dog we had before her, Buddy, was a mutt from the streets of Camden. He was six months old when we adopted him and already streetwise. Whenever I picture him I imagine him smoking unfiltered cigarettes, which is weird, I know (even weirder because he died of lung cancer). In many ways, Buddy was a dog only a mother could love. He had attitude. He did not love unconditionally. He didn't trust people outside of the family and although I'm sure he loved us I also got the feeling that there was apart of him that tolerated us - like he knew if he had opposable digits he'd be running the place. The one person he perhaps loved unconditionally was our daughter. Although he peed on almost everything of hers to let us know he was still in charge, he was also fiercely protective of her. He somehow instinctively knew she was his and she needed him. She could do anything to him. I could barely get a collar back around his neck after his bath. My daughter, however, on her third Christmas was able to deck him out in reindeer antlers, garland and a bow. I have a picture of it. It looks like he's saying, "oh please, get me a beer!" but he let her do it. Unlike Goldie, Buddy was not grateful for his dog food everyday. He smashed countless plates stealing food from off of the table the minute our backs were turned. One time he ate a block of cheese still in the plastic wrapper and didn't even get indigestion. He got in the trash, took things out of cupboards, terrorized the neighbors with his barking and snarling, and if there was something he had been instructed not to do - you can bet your bottom dollar he'd do it every chance he got. In many ways he was a big pain in the ass - and I loved him. I never wished he was different because he was BUDDY! I loved him for who he was.

I realize that although I WISH I was like Goldie, I'm actually alot more like Buddy. I'm a big pain in the ass. I don't love unconditionally. I wish I did but I don't. The one person I do, perhaps, love unconditionally is my daughter and I, too, am fiercely protective of her. I try to be grateful for my meals everyday but there are many days when I'm opening every cupboard thinking, "MAN, I wish there were some chocolate chip cookies around here!" Now - there ARE a few differences. I don't pee on people's things and I don't steal food (well, except for french fries). But, basically, I'm a cynical, rule-breaking pit bull mix that wishes she was a Golden Retriever. Sometimes I wish I could have the same acceptance for myself that I had for Buddy. I wish I could stop forever shaking a can of pennies at myself and could just shake my head, laugh and say, "Oh, Kim! You're a mess, but that's OK - I love ya!"

2009-08-19T22:25:00.003-04:00

5 Things

1. In case you haven't noticed - I like movies. This week I watched Kolya. Usually, I run the other way when I see the phrase "heart-warming" attached to anything but this time I'm glad I didn't let it deter me. It truly was heart-warming without being sappy. Directed by Jan Sverak and starring his father, Zdenek Sverak(who also wrote the screnplay) this film won the 1996 Oscar and Golden Globe for best foreign film

2. I like just about every thing at Compendium but I especially like these little Expect A Miracle Window Cards. They are perfect to tuck into someone's pocket, lunch or purse as a little surpise word hug for them to find.

3. Speaking of cards, the new cards Leah Piken Kolidas has just put up on her Blue Tree Art Gallery are GORGEOUS!! You can buy them individually but you're going to want them all so you may as well buy the set!!

4. Ok, I have to admit that I found Indexed while looking up a review of The Back Of The Napkin. I was looking it up to see if anyone else had the same problem with it I did (ironically, I thought it needed more pictures - less words. But, don't let that deter you too much it still has some really good information). ANYWAY, in the section that says "Hey you might like this" I was directed to Indexed which is now one of my favorite websites. I read that it is a fav in bloggerville so apparently I am once again the last to the party but I'm a very enthusiastic partier!

5.) Do you know public radio regular and essayist Sarah Vowell? If you do then she's probably one of your favorites, too. If not, give yourself a treat in insight and belly laughs and read one of her books. I just finished The Wordy Shipmates. Anyone who can make the Puritains entertaining while also taking them seriously is worth a look.

CED

2009-08-18T00:44:00.008-04:00

CED Check-in August 9th-16th

Another fun week of doing my best to be mindfully creative with Leah Piken Kolidas's Creative Everyday. I've kept up my practice of making 3 pages a day on which to write my morning pages. I'm also still fooling around with the extra paint (my funny fish above is one of the results).

On Tuesday I was lucky enough to be asked to do a reading of a play. I love cold readings (especially if the material is good - and this time it was). You have to just jump in and roll with whatever comes up. There's no second guessing yourself. You have to MOVE with whatever gut emotion comes up.

I was working on a poem that has been rambling around in my head for weeks -BUT - a completely different poem came out. In the poetry department I also toyed with the idea of writing a haiku a day again. I did that once one summer - it was a lovely practice. I'm pretty rusty, it might take me a while to get going again or rather slow down!

Keeping with the theme of MOVE I have been on a cleaning, purging and organizing rampage. It's the organizing part that requires my creativity. It doesn't come naturally. I'll stare and stare at a space waiting for it to tell me how to best organize it. Sometimes, it tells me to just go eat chocolate chip cookies. (I always eat them very creatively and mindfully!!)

2009-08-15T18:21:00.013-04:00

I AM A DIVA

And I am owning it!!!! I don't know who hijacked this phrase but I am taking it back for myself. Being an opera singer, I guess I'm a little touchy about the subject. It just bugs the hell out of me that a phrase that was once used to describe a woman who had achieved great artistry in her field is now used as a derogatory phrase. It now means someone - a woman specifically (which REALLY galls me) - who is temperamental and difficult to work with (read bitch). I could write a whole other post regarding the misconceptions about opera but here I'll just say that in the opera world I have met very few women who would fit the above description. I know talented, hard working, funny, incredibly bright, dedicated artists who are most often very humble despite their many attributes.

The word "diva" is actually the feminine form of divus, god, therefore, meaning goddess. Elizabeth Gilbert explains in her Ted Talk how in ancient Africa during the moonlight dances when one of the dancers became transcendent, "lit with the fire of god" the people would begin to chant "Allah" acknowledging that god has passed through that person. Although I don't know the exact history of the word the same thing applies to "diva" - when an opera singer sings with divine presence, people call "brava, diva!" That sound, that beauty, that moment - that's god. I know very few women who have heard that phrase called to them and in turn mistook themselves for god. I do, however, know many women who have dedicated their lives to trying to be the vessel through which that divinity may be channeled.

So, just as I say "namaste" to others and to myself, I bow to and acknowledge the diva within me and the diva within you. I invite you to honor all that is glorious and divine within yourself. I call to you with my embarrassingly loud and hearty cry, "Brava, diva, brava!!"

August 14 2009

2009-08-14T12:00:00.001-04:00

Sparrows and catbirds

Fill with life the branches of

the dying pin oak

2009-08-13T14:00:00.005-04:00

5 Things

1. As you know I'm a big fan of Dirty Footprints Studio and it's here that I learned of Heather Plett's website, What Are You Giving Away . I got to know Heather a bit through our wrecking adventures at The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler. I'm truly inspired by Heather's vision. She challenges us to discover for ourselves what our own unique gifts are and how to use them to make the world a more beautiful and just place.

2. I working my way through Jennifer Lee's booklist and I've been reading and working with Lucia Cappachionni's book Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams. At first I thought it would just be a quick peruse because I've done vision boards before but the book offered some new ideas and meditations that I'm finding very useful.

3. I listen to Jacqui Naylor's music so much my ipod practically steers itself there now . Her "acoustic smashes," as she calls them, are brilliant.

4. This past week I watched Ballerina. It follows five Russian ballerinas from the Mariinsky Theatre. It is just beautiful to watch and shows the dedication it often takes to truly follow your dream.

5. I don't actually own one of these stamps yet (it's on my MUST HAVE ITEM list) but I love Paula Best's rubber stamps, they make me smile.

Sunrise Song

2009-08-11T00:00:00.001-04:00

As morning breaks
the baby sparrow
calls for his mama,
flapping like a sigh against the window pane.
My breath tight as a fist, I pull back the blind to see him
and there he is
Like a miracle,
a small downy earth heart
fluttering beside the cracked plaster.
He turns one eye toward me
Black as a river stone
And into that infinity I pour my hope.
Trusting one day
with him
It will burst from the nest
And fly.

CED Check in

2009-08-10T00:00:00.003-04:00

I think I might be doing this backwards. I'm posting for what I did last week (August 2-August 9). I just started CED this month and I'm already excited about the many opportunities to be mindfully creative.

Like many people I do morning pages a la Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. Over the past several weeks my pages have gone from looking like this:

To looking like this:

Each day I play around with paints, pens, markers and colored pencils and make pages to write my morning pages on the next day. I have many more I'd love to show you but they're filled with pretty personal thoughts so I'll have to wait until I figure out a way to obscure the words a little bit.

As I've been experimenting with painting my morning pages, I frequently wind up with extra paint and it seems such a shame to waste it. One day I noticed a small blank journal on the table and I started to smear the extra paint there. Now playing with the extra paint in my blank book has also become part of my daily ritual.

I've been thoroughly enjoying these practices because I feel no pressure. I'm not making art. In one case, I'm just going to write over the pages anyway and in the other case I'm just using up the extra paint.

In addition to doing these pages each day, I've been up to a couple of other things. On Tuesday and Saturday I helped out some friends who are participating in Project Twenty1. They have 21 days to write, shoot and edit a 10 minute film. I was "the opera ghost" which basically meant I got to wear liquid latex to make me look like a ghoulish creature and pretend to be a ghost. They'd say things like, "Um, what kind of opera would you sing" and I'd make up some operatic sounding song. Or they'd say, "What would you do if someone shined a light on you" and I'd invent some wacky appropriate ghost behaviour. I gotta say, it was fun, mostly because I got to just make stuff up.

On Wednesday I made a full moon dreamboard. I've made vision boards before but this was my first time making one for the full moon and the first time participating in the amazing Jamie Ridler's circle. It's a lovely group and it feels very nurturing to have other women lend support to my intentions and it's also inspiring to witness the aspirations of so many powerfully creative women.

Thursday evening after I finished teaching I sat down and tried to mine a poem that's been sitting at the edge of my consciousness. I sat peacefully and just played with the words. I still don't have a poem but I was very much in the moment as I worked so I really didn't mind. I can't wait to get started on this week.

2009-08-06T01:33:00.004-04:00

5 Things

1. I'm inspired by Lawendula's One-tribe-one(he)art Collaboration Bag Project.

2. Check out this post at Dirty Footprints Studio. I love the simplicity of this philosophy. Is it Juicy or isn't it? I've applied it all day today and it was JUICY!

3. Coraline. Finally saw it - loved it. So much fun to be sitting in my own Living Room with my 3-D glasses and a big bowl of popcorn!

4. Here's to Life - Shirley Horn - 'nuff said!

5. Looking at the full moon and fireflies and listening to the crickets - no link - you have to leave the computer and go outside to enjoy it. Happy Full Moon!

Full Moon Dreamboard

2009-08-05T20:34:00.005-04:00

Full Moon Blessings to all!! I am a relative newcomer to Jamie Ridler's wonderful website having just completed (or rather almost completed) Kerri Smith's Wreck this Journal at The Next Chapter. I love the idea of an online community sharing their full moon dream boards and supporting each other's intentions.

In the future I will have to alter how I do this. Normally, I keep my visionboards to myself so I use borrowed images. I photographed my dreamboard so hopefully it's clear that it is in my journal and is meant as a tool and nothing more.

My life is wonderfully abundant, rich with laughter, family, friends, music, art, poetry, and quiet simple joyful moments. All of the elements are there. But, I find I frequently don't do the things I really want to do. So, I am clearing away inertia so that I can welcome in action. I want to fully participate in all of my wonderful blessings and to do so with joy!

Mindfully Creative

2009-08-02T00:00:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I have difficulty jump starting my creativity but almost just as often I have a hard time turning it off. I become a women possessed spending every waking moment (and many of the moments I SHOULD be sleeping) on my latest project. Soon, I don't even feel "creative" anymore and my life deteriorates to the place where I am eating peanut butter out of the jar for dinner. While it sounds wildly passionate and romantic, it feels awful and out of balance. So, in an effort to live a more fulfilling life I have joined Leah Piken Kolidas's Creative Everyday Challenge. I'm a late comer to the project and I'm only mentally committing to the month of August for the time being.

I think perhaps I will be using the challenge a little bit differently than most. I am going to try to use it to bring more balance into my life. First of all, I will be travelling a great deal during the month of August and that is frequently when my creative path gets derailed. So, I'm hoping that the challenge will inspire me to look for ways to be creative while I'm on the road thus keeping the spark alive. Also, I am going to be selective about what I will label "creative." Vocalzing for an hour won't count, singing from my heart for five minutes will. Blogging until my shoulders are up to my neck won't count, writing a haiku while sitting quietly on my back deck will. Researching poetry for an upcoming project until 3:00am won't count, setting a beautiful table will. I love being absorbed by a project - consumed by the passion. But, I have to admit that sometimes, it exhausts me and the rest of my life crumbles around me. So, I'm going to try this experiment for the month of August and see if I can more mindful about the whole process and invite it into every aspect of my life.

Elizabeth Gilbert

2009-08-01T11:42:00.003-04:00

This video of Elizabeth Gilbert at Ted Talks has been making the blog rounds. It really speaks to me and since at this point I'm mostly writing to myself I thought I would put it on my blog. Also, that way I know where to find it because I get so caught up in linking from blog to blog to blog that I don't always remember where I've seen things. It's still a relatively new world to me.

I Am An Artist

2009-08-01T00:00:00.001-04:00

I'm planning to visit my campers next week to see how they're doing with their journals. I'm going to offer a couple of more prompts to help keep them inspired. One of the things I plan to do with them is to invite them to leave a message to themselves in their journal that says "I am an artist." Knowing how hard that is for people to say to themselves I thought I would suggest that it could be a secret message, hidden in the journal, in a sealed envelope, written in code or even a picture or a doodle that when they look at it says to them "I am an artist." I want them to know that being artist isn't about how well you draw a picture or sing a song. Being an artist is an approach to life, it's about the way you see the world, it's about expressing your own unique self. You don't have to wait for someone else to validate you to claim the title - you must claim it for yourself. So, taking my own advice, I've written myself a message.

WJT The Final Chapter

2009-07-31T00:00:00.000-04:00

GOOD-BYE AND THANK YOU WRECK STARS!!!

2009-07-30T00:00:00.004-04:00

5 Things

The great "fly episode" has led to the "even greater purging episode" in my basement. It's forced me to do some very deep soul searching because although I think of myself as being in touch with my creative self, I keep coming across things I once loved to do and had completely forgotten about. With many things I'm not sure when I stopped or even why I stopped. One of the things I re-discovered was Deborah Koff-Chapin's book, Drawing out the Soul. I actually danced around the basement when I found it squealing "I loved doing this, I LOVED doing this." So, it's first on my list.

1. Drawing out the Soul by Deborah Koff-Chapin gives a step-by-step explanation of "touch drawing," an intuitive painting process where your fingers take the place of a pen or paintbrush. You can learn more about it at the Touch Drawing website and see more of Deborah's beautiful paintings.

2. If you haven't seen Frozen River yet, you should. It takes place in upstate New York at the Canadian border and deals with illegal immigration, smuggling, ethnic tension, poverty and the desperation and resiliency of two women. It is a gritty, realistic film that garnered Oscar noms for Courtney Hunt (Original Screenplay) and Melissa Leo (Actress in a Leading Role).

3. I always have a book or five going and last week I read one that has stayed with me. Without a Map a memoir by Meridith Hall tells a tale of exile, isolation, loss, joy and redemption. It begins with 16 yr old Meredy pregnant at 16 in 1965 and follows her as she searches for herself while exploring the world. Her writing is unflinchingly honest and she reminds me of Annie Dillard and Mary Oliver in that she is an observer in tune with the world and sees the macrocosm in the microcosm.

4. I've always liked the poetry of Lucille Clifton with The Book of Light being a personal favorite collection. This week I read The Terrible Stories and found this small collection a wonderful reminder of why she was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize twice.

5. And because they are good and hysterically funny, The Weird Sisters.

As Yet Udaunted

2009-07-28T23:19:00.002-04:00

Just 15 Minutes

2009-07-28T00:00:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time I was an opera singer. I think a part of me still is. I've had many stops and starts. One re-start occurred in the middle of an abusive relationship. I'd stopped because the drama of the relationship had overwhelmed my life. But, my undying creative heart made me start again.

Although I knew I had to sing, it was also daunting. It was going to take a great deal of work to re-build my technique and I had to re-find my game face in order to start hitting the audition scene again. Frankly, it seemed a little impossible. Luckily, I had a very wise teacher at the time. Without even asking the details of my life, he sensed my mental state. He knew I was staring up a very large hill. He told me that although in the past I'd been practicing for 2-3 hours a day, he didn't want me to do that now. He told me I wasn't in shape enough for that yet. "Just 15 minutes of singing. 15 minutes of absolute concentration. I want you to set your timer and only sing for 15 minutes." So, I did. The next day when I arrived home from my boring, soul killing temp job, I just wanted to flop on the couch and veg-out. Then I thought, "Just 15 minutes. All I have to do is practice for 15 and then I'm done." It flew by. Things continued on in this fashion. Whenever I felt the dread and panic of trying to get back into vocal shape I'd remind myself I had permission to only practice for 15 minutes - then the weight lifted. Soon, I'd be so deep into my practice I wouldn't even hear the timer go off. I started to get excited about singing again, pulling out favorite arias, trying new ones, listening to tapes of past lessons and coachings. My singing-heart was healing and soon I was back in the game.

Several years later after I had my daughter and was in a similar position (BUT for a much happier reason!!) I used the same technique again. When it seemed as if my day was escaping from me I say, "Just 15 minutes, all I have to do is sing for 15 minutes." Some days that would be all I could squeeze in before a diaper needed changing or a cry needed answering. But other days I'd sing for 30 minutes, 45 or the unheard of hour.

I use this little trick on myself all the time now. I frequently have a hard time sitting down to learn lines, I still find it hard to make time to sing, all these little things that are a part of my creative spirit but are also a part of my job. So, I tell myself, "Just 15 minutes" and the weight lifts and 9 times out of 10 I play for much longer.

Fly's Message

2009-07-26T10:50:00.004-04:00

If you’re eating something as you’re reading this -STOP! This is gross and you won’t want to be eating while you read it. I have a fly infestation in my basement. At first I thought, “Hmm, there are a couple of flies down here - how’d they get here.” Then it went to, “Wow, this is weird - seems like a lot of flies.” To “WHAT is going on here and how do I stop it?” Bottom line is I have an old house, an animal apparently got caught between the walls and died there - and then came the flies.

I always ponder the meaning of things like this. A couple of flies - that’s life. Hundred of them - that’s a message. But, I couldn't wrap my brain around what the message might be. (I also wonder why other people get butterflies bringing them messages, and I get the flies?) Part of me is grossed out and a little afraid of their primal energy. Another part of me feels sorry for these poor misguided flies that that just made the wrong choice. The wrong choice - that’s when it hit me. The flies are instinctively, desperately , obsessively drawn to the light - any light. They cling to the sealed glass trying to get out or cling to the overhead lighting. I’ve tried everything to get them to MOVE, to go to the side door so they can get out. They won’t budge. All they want is the light - and any light will do. One poor instinctive choice is going to lead to the death of nearly all of them.

Are we like them? Can one poor instinctive choice keep us from the light? Are we desperately clinging to a florescent light and not seeing the true source? Is our obsessive single mindedness with the light keeping us from seeing that the way to true light is often through the dark? They are good questions to ponder. Thank you flies for your message and I walk away with this: I want to be one of the renegade flies that’s willing to brave going through the dark, hoping that other’s will follow.

Wreck This Journal

2009-07-24T00:00:00.003-04:00

Let Your Imagination Take Flight

My wrecking continues to be at a rather slow pace. I'm following Ana's lead and allowing it to be "gentle and intuitive." This whole expereience has opened me up to a whole new world of exciting and inspiring people and infomation. So, frequently I've become sidetracked - off on to another adventure I've discovered and want to try or other times I'm just walking around with my head spinning from all the stimulation.

My journal has morphed yet again. Due to the fact that I ripped all of my pages out to make my skirt, I now have two books: one of completed pages and one of uncompleted pages. The completed pages are loose and I will eventually bind it all back together, I think.

I received Sharon's circle page (I was hoping I would get that one). I'm so delighted to have it and it looks very happy here in it's new home. In passing address info back and forth Sharon & I have also had a couple "Wow, small world" moments. I always like being remind that we are all connected.

I thought maybe this week as we near the end of our wrecking journey, I'd gather some of my thoughts about what I've learned during this adventure.

WHAT I LEARNED WHILE WRECKING THIS JOURNAL

1. Don't save your art supplies. Use them up. Use them with abandon.

2. Wrecking happens - you can either stay stagnant or you can move forward and create from the wreckage

3. Just show up and stuff with happen.

4. Try enough stuff and eventually you'll like something.

5. Not everything has to be good

6. In fact, it's OK for some things to suck because you might just learn something from that.

7. If you don't learn anything - that's OK, too.

8. Breaking down barriers in one area of your life will open doors in other parts of your life.

9. There is a big, wonderful, inspiring community of creative people on the internet - WOW!!!

10. Anything & everything can be used to make art.

11. Sometimes working with friends can really spark your creativity

12. Sometimes working alone can.

13. And the biggie - lucky number 13 is...TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHARON'S CIRCLE PAGE - THANK YOU SHARON!!!

2009-07-23T00:00:00.003-04:00

5 Things

1. Zentangles - I am apparently the last to know almost everything. I've seen this on so many other blogs I don't know where I first saw it. Must be because it's so much fun. Mine is pretty rudimentary, I know, but I still had a great time and it was so relaxing. A real right brain activity. I enjoyed watching this video with Milliande of how to make a zendala (zentangle/mandala).

2. Since becoming a Mom I rarely get to see films in the theatre anymore and have to try to play catch-up once they hit dvd stage. This week I watched one of the best films I've seen in a long while, The Visitor . It's a film about living an authentic life and how one person can change your life. Richard Jenkins received an Academy Award nomination for his performance in this film but every single actor in The Visitor does a top notch job.

3. This week when I was at the library Laure Anne Bosselaar's poetry collection,A New Hunger, was out of place. There it sat off to the side on the shelf just like it was waiting for me. I have poured over her poems the last few days awed by the vivid imagery, the mastery of form, the intimacy, and the musicality of the words.

4. Check out Gretchen Wegner's one hand dance. Learn a little about the body/mind connection and put a smile on your face.

5. I'm a huge fan of Patrica Barber and though I'm no jazz expert I think her Mythologies is one fo the most innovative recordings I've heard. Listen to this and do a Zentangle & blow your mind a little!

Sending Healing

2009-07-22T17:03:00.001-04:00

Learned that our poor, beautiful pin oak is fatally ill.

So I'm sending it healing and love.

Moving On

2009-07-21T00:00:00.002-04:00

I'm over my art journal angst a bit now. Thanks to WTJ I know how to dry out a journal. For now I've decided to just plow forward. I thought about scrapping it and using it as fodder for future journals or putting it aside for now. However, I've decided to just embrace it the way it is and move ahead.

And speaking of journals, my journal workshop was interesting (as always) yesterday. A nice bunch of kids and even the older group (4th-8th grade) managed to find themselves "in the flow" several times. It's so gratifying to me to see a group of 22 kids silently engaged in their thoughts and creativity. I can almost hear them give a sigh of relief. For the most part, their worlds only allow them about three ways to "be" - locked into their left brains, acting out, or zoned out in front of some blinking screen. Once the door is open for them to cross over into their right brains they settle into it and you can even see their body posture change, the muscles in their faces relax.

A former student of mine who is now a student in the NYU film department was there with a friend doing a mini-documentary on the camp. Molly and her colleague both noticed the abrupt change in attitude that happens right around 4th grade. She said, "Wow, when you asked the younger kids who thought of themselves as a good drawer every hand in the place went up but when you asked the older kids - only one hand meekly went up." She mentioned that the younger kids were also so engrossed in the workshop right from the beginning they didn't even notice that they were being filmed & photographed but the older kids noticed right away.

Molly had some great questions for me, too. What did I hope the students would gain from this experience. I hope they come to claim a space for themselves - even if it is only an 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper. I hope they can carve out that little rectangle and say "Here it's OK to be me, to experiment, to create, to make mistakes, to laugh, to cry, to dream, to explore, to hope." And I hope that 8 1/2 x 11 rectangle grows to include the world.

Unplanned Wrecking

2009-07-20T18:56:00.002-04:00

My "real" art journal was wrecked today and I am heart sick. I took it with me to show the kids in my journaling workshop. The funny thing is, I chose not to share it with them because I thought I should focus on them and not on myself. But, in the course of toting it from home to the theatre - tea spilled all over it. Inks ran, pages bled together, some are tea stained. Things are ruined, wrecked and all my work with Wreck This Journal hasn't made me feel much better. I know eventually I will have the choice to create something out of this "destruction" but at the moment I'm just feeling sad and angry. I guess this is one of the points of the WTJ exercise. At the terrible moment of destruction stands this choice, stay stuck in the sorrow or move forward to create.

Let Them Fly

2009-07-19T23:14:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow I'm off to do a quick journaling workshop at the Ritz Theatre's summer camp. I've done this for a couple of years now and it amazes me each time how programmed the kids already are in elementary school. When I invite them to "drop the rules - don't worry about spelling!" they will without fail spend the majority of their time asking me or someone else how to spell things. Most of them also already have ideas about who can and can't draw. Even the ones dubbed the "artists" are inhibited about drawing. It's very hard for them to lose themselves. I see it all - the sudden focus on proper spelling, the claims of the inability to draw -as diversion tactics. I do the same thing in my own "grown up" way. It keeps me safe and gives me an excuse not to risk. But, risk we must if we want to fly. My job is to push these little birdies out of their nests and show them that their wings really do work.

Wreck This Journal

2009-07-18T14:02:00.004-04:00

I am always in danger of taking a creative project I love and am passionate about and turning it into a job that I suddenly resent and dread. I felt this happening with WTJ this week so I took a little break. I think it perhaps comes from making my living at something that is a part of my creative soul. I am eternally in search of balance. I did do this page though because it came spontaneously and was filled with laughter and joy.

Critics

2009-07-16T11:16:00.004-04:00

I know I am running the risk of sounding like "sour grapes" here but I have had it with critics (professional and non) and I vow never to read or listen to one again. I don't understand why we give this such value. It seems that in our culture deconstruction is more revered than creation. That seems backward to me. I have heard the argument that critics are there to lead the art form to its highest level but that's almost never true. Most critics are self serving. They are there to be be clever and bitchy and to gain an audience for their review not the art form they are critiquing. It seems odd that we should need to rely on someone who watches from a safe distance to guide art rather than the people who are passionately in it up to their eyeballs. Frankly, I don't even care if my "art" is good, bad or indifferent. I am compelled to create it and if it touches someone, anyone - even if it's just me then it has served its purpose and it is worthy. I don't need someone else to declare it so for me.

2009-07-16T01:11:00.004-04:00

5 Things

This week I'm highlighting films, films that inspire me and remind me why I do what I do. Here, in no particular order, are 5 of my favs.

1. Immortal Beloved features Gary Oldman in a wonderful performance as Beethoven. This film includes one of my all time favorite scenes depicting the power of music.

2. Babette's Feast is a beautifully done film that won the 1987 Academy Award for best foreign film. It is a story of choices, love, change, gratitude and a sensual, sumptuous feast.

3. The Red Violin, the score is phenomenal and expertly executed, the cinematography is gorgeous and the story of a violin and the people who make music with it shows how passion drives an artist's life.

4. Frida tells the story of the artist, Frida Kahlo. Selma Hyeck gives a powerful performance and director Julie Taymor's work is visually stunning.

5. Akira Kurosawa's Dreams is perhaps his most personal work based on his actual dreams. It is a powerful visual treat with some of the best cinematography I've ever seen. Color and light are treated with a painter's eye and it's seems very fitting that Van Gogh is featured in one of the dreams, Crows.

I can see I will have to continue this list because there are many more, but this will do for a start.

2009-07-15T00:35:00.002-04:00

2009-07-13T20:49:00.001-04:00

Conjuring the Night

2009-07-11T18:45:00.002-04:00

Daisy

2009-07-11T18:42:00.006-04:00

Are You My Mother ?

2009-07-11T15:39:00.003-04:00

2009-07-10T11:42:00.001-04:00

Untitled

2009-07-10T09:49:00.005-04:00

The squirrel

buries bright green berries in my impatiens

Depressing

Like buying school supplies

in the middle of July.

Wreck This Journal Week Six

2009-07-10T00:00:00.003-04:00

PROJECT WRECKWAY

With the 4th of July weekend and an impromptu stay at the shore - I didn't get much wrecking done. I kept trying to think of a way to incorporate firecrackers & the journal and although it sounded fun - it also sounded highly illegal, dangerously unsafe and nothing I would ever document even if I was dumb enough to do it.

So, I settled for wearing the journal as you can see. This was a last minute endeavor. I ran out of tape in the middle of the project (WHY do all the craft, art and fabric stores close at 9:00pm - that's usually when I'm starting my projects). Luckily I had some spike tape (for those of you that don't know, spike tape is used on the stage to mark where the set pieces will go). It worked pretty well and best of all I think I will be able to remove it.

I also "Lost a Page." I was inspired by one of Keri Smith's other books,The Guerilla Art Kit. I doodled on the back and used one of my favorite quotes (although I did invert the words "is" and "it" - apologies to Mary Oliver). I stuck it in a book I returned to the library.

Thanks to my trip to the shore I'm starting to get a nice seaweed collection on one of the pages - but it's not quite finished yet.

That's it for this week!

Happy Wrecking to all!!

2009-07-09T01:00:00.006-04:00

5 Things

1. I just finished Ellen Burstyn's autobiography Lessons In Becoming Myself and not only was it a darn good read, it was rich with information on the film industry, theatre, acting technique, Lee Strasburg, Sufism and women's wisdom.

2. What? A radio station that caters to MY taste in music? Pandora - I couldn't have dreamt it better!

3. As a rule, I don't eat refined sugar but one of the things I make an exception for are Vosges truffles. They are little chocolate zen moments. Mmmm! I'm getting a craving just writing about it. My personal favorite is the Black Pearl: wasabi, ginger and dark chocolate topped with black sesame seeds.

4. My latest musical obsession is Regina Spector's latest album, Far. Thoughtful lyrics, intricate melodies and not a carbon copy of her other albums.

5. I am loving the designs at Jenny Hart's Sublime Stitching. I haven't done any embroidery since I was a kid but these patterns which "ain't your gramma's embroidery" are inspiring me to try a new project.

Painting Pictures in My Mind

2009-07-07T22:29:00.003-04:00

Wreck This Journal Week Five

2009-07-02T23:09:00.014-04:00

HOLY WRECKAGE BATGIRL, IS IT FRIDAY ALREADY?!!!!!

WOW - that went by fast. This week I felt much like Sherri felt last week after she had played baseball with her journal - now what? Throwing the book in the ocean had been such an act of spontaneity and I just wasn't feeling any thing after that. So, I followed Sherri's lead and went back to the prompts trusting that another outburst of creative wreckage will eventually emerge. And it will - I feel it a-brewin'! In the meantime here's what I've been up to this week. I finally put food in the journal. black molasses, rice syrup and strawberry jam. WHAT a sticky, icky mess that bled through several pages - I'm afraid they might indeed be wrecked. I'm also a little concerned that ants might discover my sticky sweet journal and have a party - ICK!

PS: This week I kept hearing a little voice rebelling against the prompts. There is a BIG part of me that doesn't like being told what to do.

2009-07-02T16:46:00.001-04:00

5 Things

1. Libraries!! I love libraries. I have been able to find almost every book I've ever wanted to read on a variety of subjects and all for free. I get to try out new authors without plunking down $20, I get to read all about film making or how to play the violin or gorge myself on poetry or even try new music & movies. I write down "libraries" in my gratitude journal at least one a month. I can't believe more people don't take advantage of them.

2. Thanks to Skype I have been able to chat with my family and see their smiling faces. I've been able to watch my little nephew as he acts out a story for me and see the new things my brother has purchased for his apartment. And again - FREE.

3. I use these inexpensive Mead sketchbooks for my everyday journal. I can write in it, sketch or even paint. I also like that the cover isn't plastic so I can gesso over it and make my own design. I see they are temporarily out of stock - I hope that doesn't mean they are going to discontinue them.

4. This probably isn't for everyone but this little byte called "The Dream" featuring Wanda Sykes makes me laugh every time. As does this clip of from Friends of Ross doing his impression of a valociraptor. We all need a giggle every now and then and these are sure fire for me and my warped sense of humor.

5. I get an email sent to me everyday from the Daily OM so each day I get an inspirational message about how to live a more conscious and compassionate life. It's a free and simple way to remind myself of the life I want to be living.

INNER SECRET

2009-06-26T17:54:00.002-04:00

Wreck this Journal Week Four

2009-06-25T22:38:00.001-04:00

CHOICES AND REBIRTH

This week I decided to stop tip toeing around wrecking and jump in to really facing some of my places of resistance. I thought I was being very brave when I gessoed over my cover. I liked the cover and I liked the way I had decorated it so I felt a little sad about painting over it. But, I was also secretly thrilled. As crazy as it sounds - it felt daring. After it was gessoed I started to feel excited about the possibilities it opened up.

I quickly re-painted it the next day because I was on my way to the shore and wanted to take it with me. I figured I'd come this far - if I didn't like the way it turned out - I'd just paint over it again.

Once at the shore I kept looking at my journal staring up at me from the sand. A voice said - "Throw it in the ocean - that'll really wreck it." I didn't want to. I knew it WOULD wreck it. The pages would be water-logged, it might get ripped apart, it might be unuseable. I was feeling very attached to my friend, my journal.

MY POOR JOURNAL IN THE OCEAN!!

As I threw the journal in the ocean I felt very free but after I fished it out I felt a little sad. I wished I wouldn't have done it. It felt like a mistake. I spent the next day blow drying and ironing it (yes - I do know how crazy that sounds). I felt like it was just ruined and I didn't want to play anymore. But, I made the CHOICE to go ahead and do it anyway. I made the CHOICE to see what I could do with my waterlogged, taped together, stained and sandy journal. Sometimes things don't go as we plan. Sometimes we make what feel like mistakes. We can either let those moments paralyze us or we can choose to pick our taped-together selves up and see what else might lie ahead.

What I've Done and Re-Done Since The Ocean

2009-06-25T03:00:00.001-04:00

5 Things

1. The Bashful Banana is one of my all time favorite restaurants. Everything is healthy and yummy. There are plenty of vegetarian and vegan choices which is great for me and the Banana Whip - delicious!! To top it all off, it's near the ocean. What could be better. Thanks Bashful Banana.

2. I have a card from Eric Maisel's card deck Everyday Creative on my piano at all times. Sometimes I change it everyday and sometimes I leave one on the piano to ponder for several days at a time.

3. I also have a card from Roger Von Oech's Creative Whack Pack on my piano at all times. These cards are GREAT for helping break my patterns of habitual thinking. The 64 cards are divided into four sixteen card suits: Explorer, Artist, Judge, and Warrior. These represent the four roles or types of thinking of the creative process. The cards can be used in several different ways but most often if I'm stuck I pull a card from the deck randomly. Works every time.

4. Susan G. Wooldridge's book, Poemcrazy, is highly motivating. It reminded me of my love of words and inspired me to start writing poetry again because now I see poems in everything.

5. I'm a latecomer to most things blogger and picnik.com is yet another one of those things. I've just started exploring and I love all the fun funky things you can do with photos.