A Dancer Dances

I'm always on the look out for things that inspire me and just recently I learned something about a friend that touched me and sparked my imagination. My friend, Brian, works in the corporate world but I know him as a dancer, one of the most talented dancers I know as a matter of fact. I've always wondered about my pal with the soul of a dancer trapped there in the corporate world with no outlet. But, I found out that Brian discovered an unused conference room on the 31st floor of his building and dances there on his lunch hour. It's a room full of windows so the surrounding buildings can see him - but he doesn't care - he dances. That just makes my heart sing!

The Obstacle Is Actually the Doorway

As I prepare to tackle Lilli in Kiss Me Kate I've been working hard to get myself into shape vocally. I've been concerned (read OBSESSED) with "I Hate Men" because it seems to require a more "belty" sort of sound and I'm a more legit sort of singer. I've spent hours working on my sound trying to produce something that might pass for belt. Yes, I was breaking one of my own rules - bringing expectations. I'd become so absorbed with the sound that I had completely forgotten that my true goal was communication. I was imposing a certain sound on the song and myself - leaving little room for innovation. It was my voice teacher, Forrest, who brought me into the light. "You just need to tear this whole thing apart and make it your own whole new creation." DOINK!! Of course - and then the ideas came in droves about how to make this wonderful song my own and how to use it to show off MY vocal skills - not try to imitate someone else. What I had perceived as my obstacle was actually my greatest gift. I'm a little embarrassed that I didn't see this myself but it's a perfect example of how we block ourselves from creating. We make up stories about how something NEEDS to be. We invent these phantoms that keep us from our art and if we're lucky a smart, joyful voice teacher (with the energy of a spider monkey on crack) will show us that our phantoms are not real and will then gently lead us back to our work.

Listen

At a cast party for On Golden Pond tonight we entered into a conversation about acting. I tend to wander away from these types of conversations. I tire easily of the cerebral exercise of trying to compartmentalize something that is essentially inexplicable. But, tonight there was a young high school student there who was trying to make sense of all she had been hearing about acting technique. The actress who plays Ethel had the courage to say, "It all comes down to one thing - Listening. Listening, REALLY listening and being in the moment and then responding to what the other actor has said. Just listen and be in the moment. And, I'm not sure anything other than that really matters - backstories, motivations, blah blah blah - LISTEN!" I thought how true this is of any creative endeavor. Just listen and respond in the moment. Don't bring expectations, don't impose something on it. So often we want the security blanket of the intellectual work behind what we do. It takes courage to be in the moment, listen and respond. But, there's nothing quite as exhilarating or satisfying.

I'm Beginning To See The Light

Ironic - isn't it?

Now that the days

are getting shorter!

Ebb and Flow

Wow! It's been a long time since I've been here. The ebbs and flows of my creative life tend to be drastic. The fallow periods are so long and inactive that I often fear my creative life has left me for good. Although I posted some this summer and was in rehearsal for On Golden Pond I still can't say it was a particularly productive time for me. I've tried to come to peace with the empty spaces. I think they are inextricably linked with a low grade depression so it's hard to feel positive about them. I'm always desperately relieved when the fog has cleared (like the Claritin commercial) and I feel alive again. Thomas Moore wrote a beautiful book, Care of the Soul that has helped me immensely with my perspective on depression. I am slowly coming to see it as a gift. Just when I have my life neatly wrapped up, depression comes along and pokes a hole in it, blowing it all to smithereens. It leaves me empty, which, when the dust clears, leaves - POSSIBILITY. Still, I grudgingly accept the gift, wishing that I could just be happy and full of energy all the damn time even as the leaves fall from the trees and animals get ready to hibernate. In order to have what you want you cannot push against what you don't want. Is it all about "loving what is"(the phrase and book that has made Byron Katie famous)? I do know that as I stand here ready to tackle Kiss Me Kate with all of its particular challenges for me there is a deep solidity to my center that wasn't there just 3 months ago. The emptiness, questioning and soul searching of the past several months has led me to a place where I am ready to learn ALL the lessons from this experience. I think I started out as a singer/actress for the same reason many do - I loved it and I needed it and it was all I knew. Now, I think I'm pulled here because this is where my life lessons are.

Rise Up

In Death There Is New Life