INNER SECRET

Wreck this Journal Week Four

CHOICES AND REBIRTH

This week I decided to stop tip toeing around wrecking and jump in to really facing some of my places of resistance. I thought I was being very brave when I gessoed over my cover. I liked the cover and I liked the way I had decorated it so I felt a little sad about painting over it. But, I was also secretly thrilled. As crazy as it sounds - it felt daring. After it was gessoed I started to feel excited about the possibilities it opened up.



I quickly re-painted it the next day because I was on my way to the shore and wanted to take it with me. I figured I'd come this far - if I didn't like the way it turned out - I'd just paint over it again.


Once at the shore I kept looking at my journal staring up at me from the sand. A voice said - "Throw it in the ocean - that'll really wreck it." I didn't want to. I knew it WOULD wreck it. The pages would be water-logged, it might get ripped apart, it might be unuseable. I was feeling very attached to my friend, my journal.









MY POOR JOURNAL IN THE OCEAN!!








As I threw the journal in the ocean I felt very free but after I fished it out I felt a little sad. I wished I wouldn't have done it. It felt like a mistake. I spent the next day blow drying and ironing it (yes - I do know how crazy that sounds). I felt like it was just ruined and I didn't want to play anymore. But, I made the CHOICE to go ahead and do it anyway. I made the CHOICE to see what I could do with my waterlogged, taped together, stained and sandy journal. Sometimes things don't go as we plan. Sometimes we make what feel like mistakes. We can either let those moments paralyze us or we can choose to pick our taped-together selves up and see what else might lie ahead.

What I've Done and Re-Done Since The Ocean

5 Things

1. The Bashful Banana is one of my all time favorite restaurants. Everything is healthy and yummy. There are plenty of vegetarian and vegan choices which is great for me and the Banana Whip - delicious!! To top it all off, it's near the ocean. What could be better. Thanks Bashful Banana.

2. I have a card from Eric Maisel's card deck Everyday Creative on my piano at all times. Sometimes I change it everyday and sometimes I leave one on the piano to ponder for several days at a time.

3. I also have a card from Roger Von Oech's Creative Whack Pack on my piano at all times. These cards are GREAT for helping break my patterns of habitual thinking. The 64 cards are divided into four sixteen card suits: Explorer, Artist, Judge, and Warrior. These represent the four roles or types of thinking of the creative process. The cards can be used in several different ways but most often if I'm stuck I pull a card from the deck randomly. Works every time.

4. Susan G. Wooldridge's book, Poemcrazy, is highly motivating. It reminded me of my love of words and inspired me to start writing poetry again because now I see poems in everything.

5. I'm a latecomer to most things blogger and picnik.com is yet another one of those things. I've just started exploring and I love all the fun funky things you can do with photos.

Patterns

I love these patterns in the sand. I took several photos of them. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them. They feel like the beginning of something, although I do enjoy them just the way they are.

FOLLOWING THE PATH

GATEWAY

Endings and Beginnings

The Heidi Chronicles is over - for now. We are slated to remount the show in September. I just wanted to make note of a couple of things before they escape my memory.

In one scene my castmate, Joanne, had to eat a breadstick. She was slightly stressed about it. It was a hard scene to start with, her character carried the scene and flitted from topic to topic. It required a great deal of concentration and the whole idea of adding food to the mix was a little overwhelming to Joanne. She solved her problem by taking just the tiniest little nibble of the breadstick. Then one night in performance the worst happened. The breadstick SNAPPED, breadcrumbs flew all over and Joanne was stuck with a mouthful of breadstick. She could have crumbled but because she had done all of her creative homework - it just opened the floodgate - she completely embraced it and suddenly she just relaxed and was able to really settle into the character. It was a great reminder of how facing our fears can open doors.

Like everyone, I frequently question whether I'm good enough to be doing what I'm doing and I wonder if what I'm doing has any relevance. Today we had a tiny, quiet audience but at the end of the show one sweet older woman stood up to give us a standing ovation. And, I thought, "That's enough. If all I did was move one person - that's enough. I'm in the place I am meant to be."

I'm also reminded of how one creative endeavor leads to the next. The cycle continues. Even as Heidi closes, I've been approach by two separate people regarding two very interesting projects. BUT, for now it's time to re-set, restore and re-stock the pond.

Wrecking Week 3

The Wrecking Zen Master & The Cowgirl

I thought it was funny that as I was writing last week about my inhibitions in the destruction of my journal, my 12 year old daughter was behind me engrossed in this project. She was supposed to be getting ready for ballet class but she took the little piece of white cardboard out of the packaging of her tights and began to draw on it with make-up, nail polish and hand sanitizer - just the things that she had on hand. Here I was fretting about my capabilities and I am apparently living with a wrecking-zen master.
So, I enlisted her help on some of my other endeavors. Needless to say, she has had some excellent ideas about how to wreck!!



She thought to add the ears & tail to the journal so it looked like a creature and she also suggested I wear a cowgirl hat.

I'm including some photos of some of the other wrecking done this week. I "scrubbed" the page with a Mr. Eraser and made star shapes, ripped some strips and doodled & cut the edges among other things.

I'm looking forward to next week's wrecking and so is my Wrecking Master!

5 Things

1. Seems I'm on a Bic kick. These Bic Mark-It markers work really well for me - they write over gesso & acrylic easily. They have a nice flow.

2. This Pritt Ad is great. Watch Michael C. Place take a work of art from concept to finish.

3. I adore this website - a wonderful, whimsical combination of animation & sound (and it's just plain fun). Be sure to move your mouse once the music starts.

4. I like to play here, too. Zefrank's website is full of humor and delight.

5. Tips II: More Ideas for Actors by Jon Jory has really come in handy for me. It's full of clear, concise, practical one page descriptions of major acting points. I like to just flip the book open to a random page before rehearsal and focus on that particular application for the duration of the rehearsal. You can't go wrong.

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MORE WRECKING!

My webcam cut me off at the end but all I said was I will eventually get to you all - this week has been insanely busy but now that my show has opened I will have more time. I look forward to everyone's continued wrecking!!

BONUS POINTS

I nearly forgot - when I was doodling on the front cover I was playing with paint pens and one of them broke apart spilling yellow paint all over me. So, I feel I get bonus points because I also wrecked a pair of pants :)

5 Things

1. I love these purple Bic Velocity ball point pens. Purple is my favorite color and using this as my everyday pen is a great way to add my own personal flair to everything and bring a little more color into my life!

2. The Bach Cello Suites played by Yo-Yo Ma the artistry and creativity is breath-taking.

3. Creative Paint Workshop for Mixed Media Artists by Ann Baldwin. I just bought this and am so looking forward to working with it. I've long been looking for a book like this that sort of lays things out step-by-step. Many other books of this genre are written for someone who already has an art background. And although this has a great deal to say to those folks - it's also perfect for me, whose last art class was in the 4th grade when the art teacher throw a chalkboard eraser at one of my classmates for drawing a tree "wrong."

4. In Treatment - if you haven't already seen this HBO series treat yourself and have a look. The acting is superb!!!

5. Come join the fun on Jamie Ridler's Blog and start wrecking. We're "reading" Kerri Smith's Wreck This Journal.

Digger's Song

I just had an email from my sis about my three year old nephew, William. I love that she was there to capture one of his initial moments of creativity. The whole scenario captures my imagination. Here's her description of what happened:

"We gave William a duplo tanker truck on Friday. After we had helped him build it, he played with it for a while. Then he started asking be for a piece of paper and markers (he never asks to color). I got out paper, and he had be tape it to the back door. Then we got out markers. He told me that he wanted to see if the tanker truck had a song, and he started coloring. He talked with the tanker truck between colors, and started asking it things like what is its name. He colored a bit more and announced that the tanker said its name was Cindella.

On Sunday he did something very similar. He had a new digger and wanted to see if it had a song. So, he asked for paper and markers again. He colored for a bit, then pushed the digger down the hallway. I could hear William humming as he went down the hall. When he got to the end he turned the digger around, and raced down the hall announcing that the digger did have a song. The minds of little ones can be so amazing."

RECEPTIVITY

If you’re looking for my Wreck this Journal entry just scroll down. I don’t yet know how to post a direct link to it. I’m so glad I decided to take the leap and join Jamie Ridler’s reading group. Everyone has been wonderful and it’s so exciting to explore all the other blogs. I’m overwhelmed by the talent, creativity and generosity. It’s very inspiring!! I will slowly make my way through everyone’s entries. I’m in tech week this week - for those of you who don’t know - that means my every waking minute (and many of my sleeping minutes) are dedicated to the show that’s opening this weekend.

One of my “5 Things” last week was Uta Hagen’s dvd master class. It has led me to re-read her books and the following quote jumped out at me (my time to hear it).

“The most important thing to keep in mind when exploring and testing you relationship to others during rehearsal (or during a performance, for that matter), is to remain wide open and vulnerable to your partners. From the perspective of your character, be receptive to everything they do, to each action sent to you. Be alert even to the flicker of an eye, the furrowing of a brow, the slightest hesitation, the nuance of inflection or a tone of voice, their lightest touch…An analogy can be made between the stage and the tennis court: The strokes that are practiced against a wall may be executed brilliantly but serve little purpose until they are tested in a delivery across the net to an opponent, when the player knows that his next shot is dependent on how it will be sent back, on how he will receive it - during a singles or a doubles match. Our fellow actors must be treated as worthy partners, not as ball boys.”

This passage from Uta Hagen’s A Challenge for the Actor really resonates with me. I frequently find myself in the “good student” mode, focused on “doing “ - and doing it perfectly. Being a woman, I also frequently focus on giving. It is hard for me to receive. It never comes from a lack of confidence in my fellow actors but from a lack of confidence in myself. I always want to be sure that what I am “sending” is good . I still struggle with trusting myself enough to just open to what’s there and responding with my intuition. If I’m busy planning my next move - how can I be open to what is happening NOW? You must RECEIVE before you can SEND. I am going to make tonight’s rehearsal about applying this principle.

WRECK THIS JOURNAL

I'm Scared!!

5 Things

I'm lifting this idea from Christine Mason Miller's blog, Swirly Girl. I like the idea of deliberately looking for inspiration, expanding horizons and sharing discoveries. So here are my five things with Christine's blog being a bonus number 6!!

1. Diane Birch her new album Bible Belt is my latest obsession. Music that hearkens back to the likes of Laura Nyro and Carole King but has it's own distinct style.

2. Tierney Sutton I don't know how I've missed this interesting jazz singer who does everything with her own unique spin and luscious voice.

3. Everyday Creative Leah Piken Kolidas's website is Sooooo inspiring and her artwork stirs my subconscious.

4. Uta Hagen's Acting Class a 2 DVD set - a wealth of information and glance at a gracious, amusing, insightful woman and teacher.

5. Izze a sparkling fruit drink I can pick up at my local CVS with no refined sugars, no caffeine, no preservatives and no artificial colors or flavorings. THANK YOU!!