CHOICES AND REBIRTH
This week I decided to stop tip toeing around wrecking and jump in to really facing some of my places of resistance. I thought I was being very brave when I gessoed over my cover. I liked the cover and I liked the way I had decorated it so I felt a little sad about painting over it. But, I was also secretly thrilled. As crazy as it sounds - it felt daring. After it was gessoed I started to feel excited about the possibilities it opened up.
I quickly re-painted it the next day because I was on my way to the shore and wanted to take it with me. I figured I'd come this far - if I didn't like the way it turned out - I'd just paint over it again.Once at the shore I kept looking at my journal staring up at me from the sand. A voice said - "Throw it in the ocean - that'll really wreck it." I didn't want to. I knew it WOULD wreck it. The pages would be water-logged, it might get ripped apart, it might be unuseable. I was feeling very attached to my friend, my journal.
MY POOR JOURNAL IN THE OCEAN!!
As I threw the journal in the ocean I felt very free but after I fished it out I felt a little sad. I wished I wouldn't have done it. It felt like a mistake. I spent the next day blow drying and ironing it (yes - I do know how crazy that sounds). I felt like it was just ruined and I didn't want to play anymore. But, I made the CHOICE to go ahead and do it anyway. I made the CHOICE to see what I could do with my waterlogged, taped together, stained and sandy journal. Sometimes things don't go as we plan. Sometimes we make what feel like mistakes. We can either let those moments paralyze us or we can choose to pick our taped-together selves up and see what else might lie ahead.
What I've Done and Re-Done Since The Ocean
26 comments:
I love all your painting and repainting over!! Yay. This week I need to try some of that detachment you're talking about.I have to say, too, that your journal looked so happy in the water! :-)
seriously WOW. i've been struggling with the attachment thing too and, as i indicate, was thinking of a time out. but you've gone an entirely braver route. impressed as hell and inspired, i may have to think more in terms of major metamorphosis rather than mere withdrawal...
Very brave of you to throw it in the ocean. :)
It is amazing how much this book can take. And after the ocean - you fixed it nicely with the whith.
I like the whith page.:)
-elin-
I had Wreckage Remorse too..after I took my journal for a walk. It was almost painful. But I sat with it for a while and eventually came to the place where I could move on -- and started to see different possiblities for it in its *new* state....a very symbolic journey, I'd say! *grin*
Yay for you for tossing it into the deep!! Big hurdle, overcome...
Oooooo. The ocean! I buried it in sand at the beach, but I was not so daring. Wow.
And I love what you did. The circle page is my favorite.
It's gorgeous. And I love the lessons you are taking from the painful parts -I had to put mine in a microwave, conventional oven, and finally a dryer to keep it from molding. LOVE the ironing!
well I can definitely relate. See you are not alone out here!
OMG The Ocean? I feel like such a wimp wrecking my journal lightly.
it's taking me some time....amazing what we are learning.
You Rock/Wreck!
The Ocean! You are a courageous wrecker...
The ocean- this I have to do soon too. (It's only half an hour away....but I have not managed to get there yet)
I really love the white page...!
Sun Tan lotion anyone?? Great way to jump in the deep end!
in the ocean!! that's great and I love your white page too
Love your circles page! and ain't it amazing what a little paint will fix?
Oooh! In the ocean! painting the cover! You ROCK!
I am totally inspired to do something more daring this week! Thanks!
I don't want to ruin some of my pages, too - but how incredibly brave you were tossing it into the ocean :)
WooHooo, bravo to the throw-act ... Fantastic!
Oh! It must smell like the sea and sand now! And though it took a daring leap, look how pretty it is! I love these pages :) The white things one is downright elegant :)
I so know that feeling but I love my journal even more as it is now. I hope you come to love yours even more soon too!
Your journal in the ocean AND a repainted cover. Oh man, I wonder what else you will do between now and 7/31! Keep it up!
What a courageous and creative move. The newer pages are great.
Keep on wrecking!
Excellent! I've been to the beach a few times now, but havent managed this much wrecking! Well done you! Loving the new cover too!
Wow. You really threw it into the ocean! Impressive. :)
Layers of wreckage upon wreckage! WOW! Tossing it into the surf is so different from wetting it in the sink. Why is the ocean so symbolic?
The ocean is indeed a scary thing. Good for you for braving it even if you felt upset about it after. The important thing is you didn't give up on it. And if you want to iron the journal, you just go right ahead. Sounds like burning might be involved. :)
Gesso the front cover - I like that and just might follow your lead. I love your 'pretty' wrecked pages. This is a project that we each can define as suits us. I'm signing up for the favorite page swap. Talk about detachment!
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