This week I've been trying to face the truth. In her book, The Joy Diet, Martha Beck asks us to create and absorb at least one moment of truth each day. After 15 minutes of "nothing" she suggests we ask ourselves the following questions:
What am I feeling?
What is the painful story I'm telling?
Can I be sure my painful story is true?
Can I think of another story that might work better?
Here's what I know is true - I'm in transition. I'm perimenopausal, (which, by the way, pretty much sucks - I don't recommend it *hee-hee*), I'm drifting away from what once was my livelihood and full time passion and my little girl has become a teenager. I am acutely aware of all of this. The trouble with transition is - you have to go through it. Grr! My mind is full of questions, doubts, wonders and I know that this restlessness is practically oozing from my pores. So, when I plopped down to do nothing this week and ask myself the questions, I was pretty sure I knew which direction the answers were going to go. Lord knows I have all kinds of issues just standing in line waiting to unearth themselves.
I was derailed with the first question.
"What are you feeling?"
And there it was like a stretch of bright blue sky - I'm happy. I'm happy for no reason.
You'd have to know me these days to really appreciate how surprising that was to me. Content, accepting, resigned, maybe - but happy? You'd have to know me to know how hard that is for me to say - I'm happy. Bitingly funny, sarcastic - probably - but happy?
How wonderful to know that along side all of this transition there is happiness. It's right there for me to grab on to whenever I want it.
My truth is I'm happy. Now ain't that somthing?
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